Some New Writing

The song is really very good. I like the way it flows and it shows a good knowledge of how meter applies to lyrics. The words themselves are also most excellent; I especially like the chorus.

As for the poem, I think in it the rhyming seems a bit forced. Approximate end rhyme is perfectly OK and can actually enhance rather than detract, but when you have to cram extra syllables in, move words around, or use awkward phrasing then trying to stick to a rhyme scheme can (in my opinion) be detrimental. The last stanza is a great example of rhyming done right, though. It doesn't seem forced and the rhymes are very well-done. Contrast with lines like "You're the most relentless of any other lover" which to me at least seem forced and unnatural, and maybe you can see my point. But the content is good. You might want to experiment a bit more with imagery, since a powerful image or apt analogy can really turn a poem about mercy and redemption (which, though appropriate subjects, there are a great many of) into something unique and applicable, perhaps even surprisingly so for a reader expecting something more generically beatific.

And there's my ramblings about your work. Thanks for sharing.