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BigBird
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« on: August 03, 2003, 09:16:06 PM » |
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Rules:
* you have to follow up the last post with a continuation
* the main character cannot die (until at least 50 posts)
* no matter how stupid an idea you think this is, you must post
* don't post something that's not part of the story!
* be creative
* that is all
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Once upon a time, there was a small child born. His name was Billy. The moment his parents actually found which end was his head, they immediately disowned him by throwing him in a dumpster...
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« Last Edit: August 03, 2003, 09:16:42 PM by BigBird »
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Josh
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« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2003, 09:21:29 PM » |
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It was in the dumpster that the poor, newly orphaned lad met the creature that would eventually prove to be his undoing: The dastardly bird, Kiki! Part of the yellow bellied sapsucker species, Kiki was infamous for both her hatred for orphans and her love for Twinkies.
Staring her new dumpster-mate in the eyes, Kiki reached a feathered limb behind her and pulled out...
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RokrantheGreat
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« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2003, 10:37:09 PM » |
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...a Snickers bar!! The mean, nasty bird slowly ate his treat, making sounds of great enjoyment. Poor, half-starved Billy was forced to watch as the bird taunted him. Finally, he could take no more and crawled out of the dumpster, intent on finding his own treat.
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\"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the former.\" - Albert Einstein
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DvChWi
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« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2003, 11:11:27 PM » |
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But it was not to be so. Upon entering a drug store in order to find some sweets, he realized that he had no money to pay for anything. "Time for a job!" thought little Billy. So, our hero decided to wander the streets, looking for someone who would hire him. Eventually, he came across a tall, dark man who promised some work. What the work was, the man would not say. Billy decided to follow the man in spite of his doubts. Coming to a dark alleyway, Billy turned the corner and saw someone he was not prepared to see....
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Fun facts about Chuck Norris:
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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Josh
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« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2003, 05:28:46 PM » |
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It was a seven-foot duck, tied to a pillar of salt! Horror of horrors!
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Emericana
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« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2003, 06:10:50 PM » |
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About that time, the acid wore off, and Billy realized it was a very beautiful woman tied to a telephone pole. The tall dark man reached into his coat and took out a weapon of some sort. Billy wasn't sure exactly how it worked, as it was obviously not your average weapon. "Handle this for me," said the man, nodding toward the visibly terrified maiden. Billy knew he needed to find a way to help this fair damsel, but he was but a boy! Just then, he had an idea!
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rebel546
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« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2003, 09:51:16 PM » |
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Reaching from the depths of his diaper, young Billy pulled out something (surprisingly) that you wouldn't normally find in the bowels of this loin cloth: A test tube filled with green liquid. Discarding the cork and swallowing the dosage whole, the beautiful damsel in distressed was shocked, yet somewhat pleased to see our hero transform into...
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Josh
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« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2003, 09:58:45 PM » |
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A NEWT!
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RokrantheGreat
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« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2003, 11:00:33 PM » |
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Billy slithered over to the pillar of salt and chewed away the cords tying the fair maiden to it. She thanked him profusely. Suddenly, the tall dark man pointed his weapon at Billy, and said...
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\"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the former.\" - Albert Einstein
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DvChWi
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« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2003, 10:39:12 PM » |
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"I have no need for a newt! I must kill you now!" But just then, the lady whom Billy had just rescued jump out, and knocked the man flat. The man, sprawled out on the ground, said "You haven't seen the last of me!" and quickly vanished in a puff of smoke. Where the man had lain, there appeared a....
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Fun facts about Chuck Norris:
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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turtlegal
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« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2003, 08:52:46 PM » |
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...key. This left the maiden and Billy confused and curious. See, this was no ordinary key. It was neon green and sparkled everytime someone touched it. Left alone on the street together with the key, Billy and the maiden decided to...
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The richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were not limations to overcome ~Helen Keller
~Becky~
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enemy anemone
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« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2003, 09:26:27 PM » |
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play with it. They tossed it around and watched it sparkle. "It's so beautiful!" they would exclaim. After they got tired of playing, Billy had the bright idea to go around the city and test the key in all the keyholes they came across and see what it would open (if anything). The maiden doubted the key would open something so mundane as a door or car or padlock on a locker; she thought it must open a secret treasure chest that they needed to find. Billy said...
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Josh
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« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2003, 10:54:50 PM » |
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"You insult me for the last time, woman! Angels of Darkness, take her away!"
And with that, a flock of demons wisked the maiden away to the underworld. Billy, pleased to be rid of her relentless stupidity but painfully lonely, decided that, on his quest to see what the key did, he would find a worthy companion. And with this in mind he set off for...
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Emericana
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« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2003, 08:10:40 PM » |
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The local convenience store. All this damsel-saving gave Billy the munchies! But when he got there, standing in front of the door was...
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Guest
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« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2003, 10:23:22 PM » |
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.. a 3-legged giraffe!
"Come with me, Billy," bellowed the giraffe, and he snatched the poor infant up in his slobbery, fearsome, leaf-shredding jaws. Unfortunately, for the giraffe,....
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RokrantheGreat
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« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2003, 10:37:16 PM » |
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...he had no slobbery, fearsome jaws! So Billy fell out of his mouth, and the giraffe ran of into the sunset, thinking he had Billy in his grasp. Billy, very relieved at his miraculous escape, entered the convenience store and asked him if he would be Billy's worthy companion. The clerk said...
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\"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the former.\" - Albert Einstein
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Vlad!
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« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2003, 10:49:17 AM » |
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..."nay, laddie, that I cannot, for my shift donna end fer three mur hoors."
Annoyed by this rejection and slightly baffled by the clerk's accent, Billy toddled down the candy isle. Once the clerk took his eyes off him to deal with another customer, Billy swiftly nabbed a candy bar and thrust it into the depths of his diaper. "Nobody will want to check in there," thought Billy, and that was the truth: our precocious protagonist's pants were becoming pungent! Now fortified with food, Billy then headed for...
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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ixoye41
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« Reply #17 on: August 11, 2003, 09:28:59 PM » |
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...the door. But just as the young tot passed through he felt himself hovering by the seat of his pants. The young assistant of the sly clerk had seen the entire heist and was not about to let the persnickety little fellow get away. Upon retrieving the stolen sweet the young lady took Billy into the back store room. She laid him down on the floor and reached into her bag for what Billy thought was sure to be the end all of toddler torture devices. Low and behold, the young woman pulled out an extra diaper she had accidently left from her babysitting job the previous night. Kindly, she refreshed Billy's unmentionables and let Billy on his way out the rear door.
Unsure of how to react to the unheralded kindness of the young woman, Billy decided to make a run to get out of this small, farming community.
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rebel546
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« Reply #18 on: August 11, 2003, 11:29:33 PM » |
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Now traveling along a dusty road, our hero, grimacing against the sun, crawled ever onward until, to his great surprise, a car pulled over to the side of the road.
"What's a tender chil' like you doin' in a place like this?" the man asked, and then promptly spat tobacco out his window. "wanna lift?"
Billy looked and responded...
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DvChWi
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« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2003, 02:57:38 PM » |
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"I'm looking for a job and an evil bird named Kiki."
"I can't help you out with the bird, young'n, but aw reckon aw could use a young whippersnapper like yourself to help with a problem aws been a havin'" said the man in the truck.
"Thanks! " replied Billy "but there is one more thing."
"An' whats that?" grunted the man.
"I had a flock of demons carry off this lady I rescued. I'm feeling a little sorry about that just about now."
The man's eyes suddenly flashed. Quickly, the man gunned the throttle, and the car raced off, leaving Billy wondering what had frightened the man so. At that moment, another car came along. This time, the driver...
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Fun facts about Chuck Norris:
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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Vlad!
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« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2003, 04:03:31 PM » |
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...barely slowed down as she passed our hero. Undeterred, Billy lunged for the bumper of the car and hung on for dear life.
The driver, not realizing that a relentless Remora had attached itself to her vehicle, continued on her merry way for several miles. Just as Billy was starting to get sleepy and feared his grip would fail (he was, after all, less than one), the driver screeched to a halt in front of a pleasant-looking home out in the country. She grabbed her baggage and entered the house, not realizing that Billy was lying panting on her front lawn.
After he recovered his breath,...
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« Last Edit: August 12, 2003, 04:04:16 PM by Vlad! »
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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ixoye41
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« Reply #21 on: August 13, 2003, 07:02:56 PM » |
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... Billy wiped the dust from his fragile body. Feeling lucky to espace scars from the flying rocks that came catapulting from under the wheel well on that dusty ride, Billy crawled to the tiny fish pond in the corner of the yard. Upon see his reflection in the water...
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Harenil
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« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2003, 06:27:52 PM » |
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...he nearly threw up! His face was littered with debris from the road. He was not as lucky as he thought, for stuck between his eyes was a big pink, disgusting thing. With closer examination, Billy realized it was just...
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 "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." -Solomon Short |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2003, 09:38:32 PM » |
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...his nose. "I'm starting to understand why my parents threw me into the dumpster," he thought. But newborn babies never win beauty pageants, so our pugnacious, pint-sized protagonist began planning a heist on the house: he had to get food or he would keel over from hunger. He crept up beside the door, and his chance came quickly as the portal swung open and the same woman rushed out again. Barely bothering to wonder, Billy snuck into the house. As the door slammed shut behind him, he was surprised to see...
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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ixoye41
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« Reply #24 on: August 23, 2003, 02:34:38 AM » |
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another toddler looking back at him. At the sight of Billy, the other toddler began to cry (literally) in horror. Ignoring the whining baby, Billy crawled to the kitchen and found...
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Guest
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« Reply #25 on: August 23, 2003, 10:25:41 PM » |
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The biggest ice cream sunday he had ever seen! He needed an sunday, Billy thought, so he quickly ate it. The brain-freeze came upon him so quickly that he passed out. When he was asleep he dreamed about...
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Skrappybiskit
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« Reply #26 on: August 24, 2003, 09:03:17 PM » |
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a rabbit hole, a man in a long black cape, and a plot that didn't make sense. When Billy woke up, however, he found himself in the back of an ancient Jeep, surrounded by gun-toting men wearing long black capes. He looked back, horrified, only to find a much worse fate pursuing them:
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Vlad!
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« Reply #27 on: August 25, 2003, 08:13:47 AM » |
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Kiki! The evil bird of doom! "Shoot that bird!" Billy cried. Or, rather, he tried to cry, but since he was barely a day old and had just woken up, it came out more like "Waaaah!"
The caped men looked back at him but continued speeding off into the night, gradually leaving Billy's avian antagonist behind. After what seemed like hours, the men had left all traces of civilization behind them in a cloud of dust. Just as the landscape was looking all the more desolate, though, the Jeep arrived at what appeared to be a makeshift camp with large tents and crates for furniture. The ungainly vehicle sputtered to a stop and the men got out. One of them reached into the back and grabbed the newborn, carrying him by the band on his diaper. Billy was unceremoniously plopped down on a crate that was probably a table and looked up to see...
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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DvChWi
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« Reply #28 on: August 26, 2003, 06:32:07 PM » |
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A short, fat, balding man wearing dark sunglasses. Billy looked up at him and said "What took you so long? Kiki nearly got me, and I've been starving to death! The whole plan could be ruined now!"
The fat man, able to clearly understand Billy's speech, responded "Our whole plan depended on your being able to avoid Kiki. After you came to work with us, your parents were killed by Kiki's henchmen(A filthy thing it is, men working for birds). So, in an effort to stop Kiki's larger plans to control the world, we placed you in the dumpster, with an altered memory, as bait to bring Kiki closer to our other operatives. We never dreamed that Kiki could slip pat our agents and get to you. Your altered memory made you forget about the plan, as well as the very excistence of our organization. You were programmed to remember evreything again when you saw me.. This is why you have not acted as if there was a larger plan happening. If you had known about it, Kiki would have been able to use you against us. Telepathic birds are not to be toyed with " Billy, thinking about all that had just happened, waited to responded. After a minute or so, he said.....
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Fun facts about Chuck Norris:
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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RokrantheGreat
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« Reply #29 on: August 26, 2003, 06:51:30 PM » |
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"You've seen far too many sci-fi movies, bald-dude. You're crazy. I don't know you, I've never seen you in my life!"
The bald man replied...
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\"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the former.\" - Albert Einstein
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DvChWi
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« Reply #30 on: August 26, 2003, 07:12:32 PM » |
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"Your memory has fallen back into its programmed state! This has never happened before!" At that instant, something happened which distracted them both from the converstion they were having.
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Fun facts about Chuck Norris:
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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THEONEWHOGURGLESCROCKPOTS
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« Reply #31 on: September 03, 2003, 09:12:52 PM » |
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A large nudist colony member was jumping around with a shotgun. He sang of his long lost dream of being an aqua-aerobics teacher. And so everyone joined him in his melancholy song when a giant, huge, greenish, bluish, yellowish.......
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Skrappybiskit
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« Reply #32 on: September 03, 2003, 10:41:53 PM » |
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bird flew overhead.
"It's Kiki the nudist avenger!" screamed one of the nudists in genuine terror. Kiki swooped overhead, releasing his payload of freshly-pressed slacks and t-shirts. Billy grabbed a pair of rather baggy khakis and began a rapid crawl for a nearby stream.
But the bird had already seen him...
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Masta_K
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« Reply #33 on: September 04, 2003, 04:32:01 PM » |
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...and the bird had already begun his descent. Screaming towards the young, bare, sculpted, and slightly hairy man (who's name, dear reader, was Pickles), Kiki cried, "Slay the nudists! Only BIRDS are allowed to be naked!", at which point Billy realized the utter selfishness of the bird; he then removed his diaper defiantly and screamed loudly at the bird. Kiki applied the air-brake, and gazed over Billy. Suddenly, the bird began to chortle wildly; astonished, Billy looked down to see that something had fallen out of his diaper. It was...  |
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I AM BATMAN. |
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Harenil
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« Reply #34 on: September 11, 2003, 07:35:12 PM » |
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A viscious, three headed viper! Kiki wasn't able to stop so the evil bird ran into the viper. The viper was furious, and it looked at directly at Billy. Billy was surprised when it began to speak.
"See? Look what damage memory relapse causes! I am John! You know, that guy who talked to you earlier!"
"I have never heard of you!" said Billy.
"NO!! Now look what you have done!"
The viper named John lost two of his heads. Now only a single headed snake, he picked up Kiki in his teeth and tossed the evil bird into the stream. The furious Kiki was swept down stream.
"I remember now!" said Billy "And I know that Kiki will return!"
John the viper grew back his two missing heads and went off to chase away the colony. Billy stared at the stream and noticed a dark shape in the water...
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"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." -Solomon Short |
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Masta_K
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« Reply #35 on: September 15, 2003, 11:04:34 PM » |
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and saw... his own reflection--which revealed the rose colored glasses he was wearing. he removed them, and kiki turned to a regular everyday umbrella, john to a regular everyday twig, and his diaper to a regualr everyday pair of batman printed tighty-whities. and what's more, the scenery returned to that of his pre-school sweethearts oh-tto-familiar bakyard, and she was looking out the window at his underpants, giggling like, well, a schoolgirl. ahh, life was bak to normal...
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I AM BATMAN. |
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Skrappybiskit
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« Reply #36 on: September 16, 2003, 10:48:21 AM » |
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... had it not been for the masked men wearing all black that came crashing through thr house windows into the backyard.
"Don't move or we will surgically remove your body from your body!" shouted a MP4sd-toting man. The others quickly surrounded Billy.
It was at that moment that Billy summoned the WHITEY-TIGHTEY POWER KARATE charm-thingy that infused his limbs with a effervescant glow...
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« Last Edit: September 16, 2003, 10:48:41 AM by Skrappybiskit »
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Harenil
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« Reply #37 on: September 16, 2003, 12:20:58 PM » |
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But Billy quickly realized something, it was an Mp5-SD6! Not and Mp4! =D On top of that, it was a replica, he could tell easily because it had a red colored end and tha fake trademarks. he had no idea how he knew that, maybe he had spent too much time looking at gun sites, but now wasn't the time. remembering his old strength, Billy knocked out all the men. but noticed an egg hatching near him...
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« Last Edit: September 16, 2003, 04:50:15 PM by Harenil »
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"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." -Solomon Short |
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Harenil
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« Reply #38 on: September 27, 2003, 09:13:21 PM » |
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...It was Kiki again! Does that bird ever give up??? Of course not...... Billy ran away and through himself in a dumpster. He stayed there away from Kiki and anyone else for three days. He climbed a high tree and was about to jump, he did. It was fun billy thought afterwards. Only it was too painful. Bruised up pretty bad, Billy took a train to a place far away where he met another bird named Kaka. Strangely enough, it was the even more evil sister of Kiki!
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"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." -Solomon Short |
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Major Thom
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« Reply #39 on: September 30, 2003, 08:12:50 PM » |
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All of a sudden, Bilfred woke up. He realized that the entire thing about Billy had been a dream, and began to prepare for his busy day ahead. Bilfred walked out the door of his room, only to see his great-aunt Milfred. She was an immigrant from Estonia, and she exclaimed, "Shleinia dorgova treinwarika!", which translates in English to...
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