Prayer request (and advice) for two friends

[Josh]

Recently, my heart has been broken and my spirit has been despairing over a couple of my oldest friends, both of whom have fallen prey to severe sexual confusion.

One friend, who I have known since I was 7 or 8, has apparently come to the conclusion that he is homosexual.

The other friend has an even more twisted sexual identity, a problem that I don't even feel comfortable sharing here.

Having spent so much time with these guys over the year, and having grown to care for them so much, I'm astounded and devastated to find all this out. (Apparently, these sexual practices have been going on for some time now, but I just learned of them this week.)

I am also at a total loss for what to say to them. The first friend has completely renounced Christianity, and indeed, has even turned his back on his family; I feel that there is nothing I can do for him, especially since he won't even talk to me anymore. However, the second friend, though he is bitter toward God and Christianity in general, is obviously searching, and wrestling with spiritual questions, and I feel like showing him love and compassion could really help him. The problem is, I'm not sure what to say to him; he continually brings up his sexual preferenc and asks my thoughts on it, but I have little to say, as he claims that he has simply never been attracted to females, and feels rejected and abandoned by them.

Your prayers would be most appreciated, as would any wise counsel from anyone who has gone through something similar.

[Vlad!]

It's tough to deal with something like this, especially in our society where certain taboos that are instilled in us make it hard to even talk about sexual topics frankly. It's even more confusing when the Bible seems to clearly state that homosexuality is wrong, but homosexuals themselves give every indication that they were 'made' this way and have no control over which gender they have a sexual preference for.

There are three verses in the Bible I can recall offhand which directly condemn homosexuality. I cannot count the number of verses which directly support showing love to all people. My suggestion is that you worry about loving the person first and dealing with the sin second, as I am sure you are already doing. I would also suggest talking to Mark about this, since his roommate and close friend is gay, and he has been wrestling with how to relate to him in a loving manner.

Finally, I don't really understand homosexuality at all. You might ask around in your church and in campus religious organizations if they know of support groups or ministries that deal with this sort of thing. At this point in your friend's life it might not be best to suggest that he go to a support group, but talking with someone who has personally dealt with the problem might provide some enlightenment for you.

I will remember you and your friends in my prayers.

[dgp11776]

I'm at a loss with the first friend - I've never faced something like that.

The second friend is similar to one of my wife's friends.  She is the daughter of a West Virginian Baptist preacher, and she is living with another woman (she lives here in N.C.).  Her parents have taken the wrong approach to the whole situation by pretty much disowning her.  She knows what she is doing is sinful.  Therefore, my wife and I pretty much avoid denouncing it unless she asks us what we think.  If she asks me if homosexuality is a sin, I feel I am doing her a great disservice if I don't say that it is.  However, we both always counter this by saying that it isn't a "worse sin" than anything else.  Hey, "All have sinned, and come short of the Glory of God."  One lie is just as bad.  We make sure she knows that sin is sin in the sight of God, plain and simple.  I'll admit, it really threw me for a loop when she told us about her preference, because we had known her for about a year prior to that.  After she told us, I made sure that I never treated her any differently than in the past.  We did the same things with her and never stopped showing her love.  But there is a goal to what we are doing.  We want to see her saved.  We tell her that.  We aren't showing her love to "fix her problem," we just don't want her to be in Hell (like anybody else).

I'm not sure that was any help to you Josh, but I know what you're going through in a little measure, my friend.  Wisdom, discernment, and love are absolute necessities in these types of situations.  

[Tom]

Dude, i will pray for that situation. Honestly, i feel like any attempt at "advice" giving on my part would either come across as trivializing or oversimplification. This is obviously a multi-layered and complex series of issues for both of your friends.

I will say this though, and I hope it is helpful. For your friend who is "searching" still, I say this. It isn't what tempts us that is sin; it is giving into it that is sin. If he feels tempted to do morally wrong things, that in itself is not sin. You can have homosexual (or other) sexually wrong inclinations without being an active homosexual. Only God can help him overcome those feelings, and in fact he may never get over them. But that doesn't mean he can't be a Christian. If you can pray him into a change of heart where he desires what is godly for himself, then you've got half the battle won.

We tend to overdramatize homosexuality as the "super-size sin" when in fact it might be the end result of many "lesser" sins like selfishness, gluttony, lustfullness, rebellion.

And speaking of lust. Would any of us dare say that someone can't be a Christian if they have ever had lustful thoughts about the opposite sex? Of course not! Why is lust after the same sex a "bigger" sin? Both are just as sinful. IMHO Because they both deviate from God's plan for our lives.

I think the reason Jesus said, "Whosoever looks upon a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her in his heart" because He wanted to impress upon them that NOBODY can pass that litmus test. Nobody will ever justify themselves by the Law. Only His Grace is sufficient.

I may not have helped at all. But I hope I did. At the very least I will pray for you and them.

 

[Josh]

Thanks to all for the prayers and the encouragement. I'll keep you posted as best I can on how things work out.

[MJanke]

How sad. I feel for you, and for your friends.

One of my best friends from my high school days "came out," shortly after we graduated. It was quite the shock.

We are still friends. There was a lengthy time of trying to find the right wavelength to connect on, once he came out. I never turned my back on him or stood in judgment over him, but I also never condoned his choice to embrace that lifestyle. We've had our lengthy discussions... the why's of it all, his take on the church and the church's response to homosexuality, talks on God and his grace, etc. In the end, he's chosen to walk away from an active faith in God, because he could not reconcile it w/ his lifestyle choice. On one hand, I admire him for that - he never got to that wishy-washy place where he re-defined God and The Bible to okay his decision. On the other hand, it continually saddens me that someone I care so much about has been so decieved and keeps choosing to give into his human weakness (something we all have in one way or another) instead of falling on the grace and strength of God.

I'm rambling now. I guess I just want to relate my story with my friend. He remains my friend. He knows I love him, unconditionally, whatever he chooses to do w/ his sexuality. He knows that I do not hate gays, or the gay community and, in fact, know that they are just as much worthy of God's love and grace as I. But he also knows that I do not condone the choice to embrace the lifestyle.

It's a hard thing. Unlike a lot of other sins, homsexuality defines the person struggling with it. So talking about the sin, it's harder to separate that from the sinner. I pray that God gives you a greater measure of His love and grace to empart to your friends, and that you can speak to them with love and wisdom. It is my belief that it's love, more than anything else - rational, theological, physchological arguments, etc - that will bring the person back to Christ.  

[Josh]

Thanks so much, Mike. Your words ring true for me.

I reiterate that the specific friend that I'm talking with and reaching out to is not, in fact, homosexual, but has a different kind of sexual perversion. (Let's just say that he's not attracted to men OR women.) But the same principles of love and compassion certainly still apply, so there may not even be much point in making the distinction.

[jimmybob479]

There is freedom from sexual perversions and homosexuality, and if your friend can come to his senses or atleast admits that it is a sin, then there truly is hope for him. There is a ministry I am a part of (mentor with, gone through it myself) that is Christ-centered. Here are some testimonies of people set free from sin (the ones under Door of Hope are ones specifically from people set free from homosexuality) http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/testimo...w_testimony.php . Don't get me wrong, This is not a 12-step plan or anything. None of those ever really work because they are getting rid of the sin but not replacing it with Christ or a vibrant relationship with him. They are not christ-centered and preaching from the cross.

You might just mention this to a friend or let him know of others who have struggled with this and God has set free, and just let him know that God is still there for him and has a purpose in all of this. I defenetly agree you just need to leave your relationship open and don't rebuke him and condemning, because that will just send him away.
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/door_ho...df6e3c8ee4e0978

Also, do you think it is strange that those enslaved to habitual sexual sin "hate" God and renounce their faith?
Matthew 6:24

 "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other"

You are a slave to one or the other  (romans 6:18) and anyone who struggles and walks in habitual sin will, infact, begin to "hate" God.