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beautifulmess
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« on: August 13, 2003, 10:24:56 PM » |
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My Journal*My Poetry\"The quiche made me look fat.\" --Kirk, from Gilmore Girls when Lorelai asked why he was in a hot dog suit
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enemy anemone
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« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2003, 12:49:39 AM » |
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I love this poem. it says how I often feel, especially the last line.
I'm not good at giving titles, but one that I thought of is "Homesick", but on the other hand, "What it feels like to finally come home..." seems kinda like the climax, if that is the right word, so I dunno how good it would be to hint at it in the title.
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smartash
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« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2003, 07:18:37 AM » |
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"relief" or "release" ?
is there another term for inahaling or exhaling that doesnt sound like a whitney houstone movie, cause that could be cool.
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\"I haven't come for only you, but for my people to pursue. you cannot care for Me with no regard for Her; if you love Me you will love the Church.\"
\"i am a whore i do confess, i put You on just like a wedding dress and i run down the aisle, run down the aisle. i'm a prodical with no way home, i put You on just like a ring of gold and i run down the aisle, i run down the aisle to You.\"
-- Derek Webb, She must and Shall Go Free
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Vlad!
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« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2003, 08:57:24 AM » |
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Call me crazy, but I think the name 'Shoebox Facade' is a good one.
A shoebox is where a lot of people keep useless little trinkets that they don't want to throw away but just gather dust in the attic. A facade is something fake that looks nice but has no substance. The poem makes me think of someone trying to break through the facade of a pseudo-life full of useless trinkets and empty warm fuzzies get to reality.
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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beautifulmess
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« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2003, 12:05:17 PM » |
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I like everything you guys have suggested. This is a time when being indecisive is really a pain. Keep the suggestions coming, folks.
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My Journal*My Poetry\"The quiche made me look fat.\" --Kirk, from Gilmore Girls when Lorelai asked why he was in a hot dog suit
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Josh
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« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2003, 02:17:16 PM » |
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I'd call it "The Best Poem Ever."
I want my hug.
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ixoye41
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« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2003, 02:44:05 PM » |
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that piece of writing is incredible. you really do have a gift and I am glad that you are using it!
i like Vlad!'s idea for the name... creative, yet not over the top.
have you tried putting music to this? when i read it and imagine someone singing it, the first person that came to mind was Kevin Max... it just sounds like something poetic he would love to crone.
~p
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beautifulmess
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« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2003, 04:55:57 PM » |
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have you tried putting music to this? No. I can't write music. I can read it and play it but writing it is just something that's never really come to me. Thanks for all of the comments, guys. Each of you gets a hug. |
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My Journal*My Poetry\"The quiche made me look fat.\" --Kirk, from Gilmore Girls when Lorelai asked why he was in a hot dog suit
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Vlad!
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« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2003, 06:51:55 PM » |
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... it just sounds like something poetic he would love to crone.
~p Actually, it's croon...crone means an old lady  But seriously, thanks for liking my title. I was pretty proud of it myself. But I think Schil and smartash (and Josh  ) had some good suggestions too |
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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beautifulmess
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« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2003, 06:59:49 PM » |
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I love all of the ideas you guys gave me but I'm debating now between Vlad's and Schil's. I think "All That I Can't Leave Behind" would be fitting but U2 had to pretty much take that one...
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My Journal*My Poetry\"The quiche made me look fat.\" --Kirk, from Gilmore Girls when Lorelai asked why he was in a hot dog suit
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Skrappybiskit
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« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2003, 08:49:08 PM » |
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I think a nice title would be "A Staging of Smiles" or maybe just simply "Homecoming".
Skraps
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Masta_K
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« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2003, 11:09:55 PM » |
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"Attic in the Basement"... its the dust-gathering lovely heartbreaking memories brought downstairs into real life where we blow the dust off and feel the pain. my critiquage: bootiful. but if its poetry not lyrics, then don't say "oh!" so much.  |
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I AM BATMAN. |
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