In the spirit of St. Augustine

[Tom]

on a whim, i thought that maybe some of you would be interested in this. the basic idea for this thread is simple:

1. journal / blog your thoughts / meditations / prayers that you have about or to God on either a daily basis or an erratic basis.

that's it.

as i have discovered in my brief foray into the Confessions of Augustine, this type of writing can be of use both personally and interpersonally.

we could learn more about how the different people here at the Phorum relate to God.

please bear in mind, when i say 'confessions' i don't intend for this thread to become a laundry list of sins. save that stuff for private prayer, or your priest, if you happen to be Roman Catholic.

what i'd like to see here are different expressions of a personal dialog with or about God .
 

[Brenden]

Sounds like a good idea. I'll post my thoughts later.

[Tom]

[Brenden]

I've been in a somewhat dangerous place lately. I'm having a crisis of faith, where I'm not sure how much I ever really trusted God, or how much of what I thought I believed I really believed. I have major trust issues from being stabbed in the back by people throughout my life, and that keeps getting in the way of having faith that God will keep His word.

Oddly enough, I'm still sure that putting my faith in Christ was a good idea most days.

Other days, I feel like I'm the last of a dying breed, and I wonder why I even bother, and if I should just give it all up.

So, that's been my thoughts lately.

[Tom]

i appreciate your honesty Brendan. i'll pray for you to have a renewal of confidence in your faith in Christ.

if i were to be equally honest with you, i too have doubts about my faith often. we wouldn't be human if we never doubted.

sometimes i wonder if i truly love Christ, or if i'm unwittingly using Him, (as some people unsavoringly refer to salvation) as 'fire insurance.'

the Bible says that no one seeks God, and that only those whom He loves first even have the capacity to reciprocate. so is it possible that someone could be convinced of the reality of hell, and so fear it that they maintain a spurious 'faith in Christ' throughout their lives that is, in fact, nothing more than selfish self-preservation?

in Matthew even Jesus speaks of those who will one day cry "Lord! Lord!"(implying to my mind that these people think they do know Him) but will not be allowed to enter His rest, but will be cast into outer darkness.

when i consider this, i'm reminded that it is the state of my heart that is most important. do i honor Christ with merely my lips, or is my heart devoted to Him and His glory?

when i sin, do i feel badly because i know God knows everything and i fear retribution?

or when i sin, are my feelings of guilt actually regret that i have allowed my flesh to revel in something less than my matchless King?

when i consider God, do i view Him as my loving Savior Who desires to give me every good and perfect thing in Christ after i die?

or do i see Him as a stern task-master Who is jotting down my wrongs and waiting to take merciless vengeance upon me?

i think every Christian wonders these things, and would answer them differently at different times. but it is important to note that God is constant even through our inconstancy.

if there was a moment in our life when God drew us to His Son through the Holy Spirit and regenerated us in newness of life, then we are saved. this salvation was not contingent on us to begin with, thus we cannot undo something we did achieve through our actions.

[brenton]

So...would these be conPHessions?

[Josh]

Touche! You're catching on.

[plumb_fan]

I've had the prevailing thought over the last few months that I don't have a problem with God, just the people who claim to follow Him.  Unfortunatley, i'd have to add myself in that group.

I sometimes wonder at the point of being a Christian when most of the people in my life showing God's love are not.

I sometimes feel like anything that could make me happy, God will keep out of my life.  As though my will can never be the same as His and He refuses any other to be in my life.  Perhaps that should make me happy, but it doesn't.


I'm still fond of the idea of following Christ.  Christianity, on the other hand, I could do without.

[brenton]

I have somehow become a charismatic, feminist, liberal member of a non-charismatic, complementarian, fundamentalist church. What's the connection? Community, worship, a search for truth, the experience of Christ.

[Brenden]

I've come to a point of deciding to attempt a deprogramming. Starting from scratch (almost) and figiruing out the truth for myself, apart from everyone and everything around me that has caused me to think certain ways and have certain barriers. Really, I want to find more freedom in Christ, since that freedom has always been my big attraction to the grace of God. I feel like all the influences around me are keeping me from true freedom, so I want to figure out why I believe what I believe, and what I even believe anymore.

This partly is a result of my earlier crisis of faith, I suppose.

[Tom]

i can relate to much of what you've said Brendan. the past 5 years or so have been a major deprogramming of sorts for me as well. it is important to do a complete spiritual tune-up often. so much clutter, crap and utter garbage tends to seep in calling itself Christianity, when in fact it is a new form of legalism and spiritual bondage. the Word is the only thing that can truly sort it out for me and shake the cobwebs loose. now if only i could get myself to read the Word everyday like i should i'd have a lot fewer cobwebs hanging around.

[Brenden]

As a new confession, I find myself in an odd place. Certain actions I have taken in the last few months have resulted in interesting reactions. I find myself feeling no remorsde or conviction for things that many people would condemn me for if they knew I had done them.

My long term anger with my treatment by the church at large has also been getting to me more. I find myself wanting to distance myself as much as I can, while still holding to Christ. This does, however, make me more reluctant to present myself as a christian, for fear of people writing me off before they get to know me, so I use the term "radical christian".

To the view of some, my faith has never seemed more faint, but to me, my faith feels stronger than before. My beliefs and standards have changed dramatically, but I'm feeling like I'm where I'm supposed to be.