Things people do that make no sense

[murlough23]

We should have a thread for silly things that people do that, if they really sat down and thought about 'em, made no sense. Not necessarily pet peeves that annoy us (though there is probably some crossover between the two), but just observations of the illogical. I'll start with a few examples:

- Using the phrase "I could care less". It's a way to indicate indifference about something, but the proper way to say it is "I couldn't care less", because if you could care less, then it could potentially have a lower degree of importance to you than it currently does.

- Voice mail greetings on cell phones that say, "Hi, this is (so-and-so). I'm not here right now." Um, dude, it's a cell phone. We don't know where "here" is, because the point of a cell phone is that you take it with you pretty much with you everywhere you go. Furthermore, you probably are "here" and you're just not picking up. All of this can easily be covered by saying "I'm not available right now." (Though it does give me amusing flashbacks to the pilot episode of Dharma & Greg, in which his cell phone rings from his pants pocket while he's in the shower, and she answers it: "Greg's Pants! ... Sorry, he's not in them right now.")

- People who don't pull forward when waiting to turn left at a light. OK, maybe this is more a lack of consideration than a lack of logic, and it might just be an L.A./big city thing as far as I know. But I've waited in far too many queues at lights that don't have a green arrow for left turns (which in and of itself is a great pet peeve of mine), only to find that one car makes it through per cycle because people don't want to pull far enough into the intersection to let another car over the line. Whoever's in the intersection has to clear it when the light goes red, so it makes the most sense to allow as much room as you can for the people behind you, but people either don't realize this or just plain don't pay attention. Another variant of this is left turners at intersections where there's no separate lane for it, so everyone who wants to go straight gets stuck behind the left turner when they won't pull far enough forward to let the others around them. It's gotten to the point where I have a mental map of which intersections have "protected turns" and I refuse to turn left anywhere else - this seriously saves me ten minutes of driving sometimes, even if I'm actually going a little bit further distance-wise. (I've also done the "three right turns through a gas station" thing when I've noticed a really long queue waiting to turn left.)

You guys got any?

[Vlad!]

- Using the phrase "I could care less". It's a way to indicate indifference about something, but the proper way to say it is "I couldn't care less", because if you could care less, then it could potentially have a lower degree of importance to you than it currently does.

I actually already talked about this here.

- People who don't pull forward when waiting to turn left at a light. OK, maybe this is more a lack of consideration than a lack of logic, and it might just be an L.A./big city thing as far as I know. But I've waited in far too many queues at lights that don't have a green arrow for left turns (which in and of itself is a great pet peeve of mine), only to find that one car makes it through per cycle because people don't want to pull far enough into the intersection to let another car over the line. Whoever's in the intersection has to clear it when the light goes red, so it makes the most sense to allow as much room as you can for the people behind you, but people either don't realize this or just plain don't pay attention. Another variant of this is left turners at intersections where there's no separate lane for it, so everyone who wants to go straight gets stuck behind the left turner when they won't pull far enough forward to let the others around them. It's gotten to the point where I have a mental map of which intersections have "protected turns" and I refuse to turn left anywhere else - this seriously saves me ten minutes of driving sometimes, even if I'm actually going a little bit further distance-wise. (I've also done the "three right turns through a gas station" thing when I've noticed a really long queue waiting to turn left.)

Most people don't know how to drive, I think. Of course, people probably get annoyed at me, too. My strategy at a busy intersection is to pull forward so far and start inching left until it's dangerous to do anything but allow me to make a turn, green arrow or no

[murlough23]

I actually already talked about this here.

Dude. Way to ruin one of my favorite Incubus songs. (Though depending on how one reads the song, it could be saying that he really could care less, but it depends on what it's referring to - the light itself or his attempt to determine what the light is.) Most likely, the phrase had to fit the rhythm of the song, which kind of signals a bit of lazy songwriting, but the rest of the song is great enough to cancel that out.

But at least we're in agreement that it's a dumb thing to say.

Most people don't know how to drive, I think. Of course, people probably get annoyed at me, too. My strategy at a busy intersection is to pull forward so far and start inching left until it's dangerous to do anything but allow me to make a turn, green arrow or no

That seems to be the typical aggressive driving strategy in L.A. - "Assert myself to the point where it's dangerous for the other person to not stop and let me through." I catch myself doing this when I'm in a hurry, but put two drivers together who are both being careless, and that doesn't tend to end well.

I do have a bad habit of getting pissed when the person in front of me slows down way more than they need to, when they could have made it through a yellow light, and yet I myself am very cautious about yellow lights because I secretly suspect there's that "momentum guy" on the street perpendicular to me, hoping he can coast through just as (or just before) the light turns green, trusting that no one will try to zip through as the light turns red. I probably brake for more yellow lights than I need to. It's uncommon for L.A. drivers. But in general, I tend to be overly cautious and defensive, because you kind of have to here. Some of that does go out the window when I'm in a hurry, sad to say.

NP: "Portrait of an Apology", Jars of Clay

[Vlad!]

Agreed, it's a pretty good song. That phrase just annoys the heck out of me.

[murlough23]

Agreed, it's a pretty good song. That phrase just annoys the heck out of me.

Actually, the pun in the song's title kind of makes me groan (it's worse than one of mine), but I can get around that by pretending the song's really called "Anomaly" and that no pun is being made.

[enemy anemone]

I got a wrong-number call yesterday. the girl wouldn't believe she had dialed the wrong number though and told me "I need to call my sister and she changed her phone number". oh! your sister! yes! glad you called because she left her new number with me!

left turns cause me no little grief. I will go a little out of my way to an intersection with a left turn arrow. when I took my driving test I was informed that only one car is allowed in the intersection at a time, but people don't observe this. sometimes I do and sometimes I don't, but either way I fret that other drivers (either the ones behind me or the ones who have to wait at their green light because I need to turn) get annoyed. I also tend to wait till there is plenty of space between me and oncoming traffic before I turn. I know this can be annoying to the more pedal-happy drivers behind me. but I've seen cars get hit because both drivers were in a hurry and/or thought they could clear the space. I have even seen a kid get hit. so I'm a bit skittish and overly cautious.

[murlough23]

I got a wrong-number call yesterday. the girl wouldn't believe she had dialed the wrong number though and told me "I need to call my sister and she changed her phone number". oh! your sister! yes! glad you called because she left her new number with me!

I hate that, too, especially when they then go, "Isn't this xxx-xxx-xxxx?" Then you tell them it isn't, and they call yuo back five seconds later. GAH.

The previous occupant of my cubicle (or rather, the phone that was in the cubicle I originally displaced him from) apparently owns property monitored by a security alarm that keeps going off. So I'd get calls at all hours saying that the alarm had gone off, and if I got one while  was at my desk, they'd be really persistent about pressing me for the guy's current contact info. Not my problem, dudes. He didn't update it with you, so he's obviously not that concerned about whether his property is being broken into.

when I took my driving test I was informed that only one car is allowed in the intersection at a time, but people don't observe this.

Seriously? Now I feel stupid.

I also tend to wait till there is plenty of space between me and oncoming traffic before I turn. I know this can be annoying to the more pedal-happy drivers behind me.

I do this too. Particularly at night, I'm not the greatest about judging the distance between me and the headlights, and there's always that chance I'll misfire when upshifting (since I drive a stick) and need those few extra seconds to make it through.

Here's another driving-related thing that makes me batty - people who can't figure out whose turn it is at a roundabout or stop sign. It's the old "me-first-of-way" law out here in the Wild West, regardless of the fact that the person on the right is supposed to go first if you both got there at the same time. Oddly, I experience this one in reverse, where there's this deadlock between me and another car - he thinks I should go, I think he should go, we get into this "politeness war" for a few seconds, we both nudge forward at the same time, then realize the other car's moving and repeat the process. (I guess it's kind of like walking down a hall, trying to move sideways to avoid colliding with another person, and then they move the same way.)

The route that I drive to and from work has a lot of stop signs because there's an upscale residental sea known as San Marino between my decidedly non-upscale home and my office. If I ever actually leave work during rush hour, the lack of knowledge of how to negotiate stop signs can increase the commute by 15 minutes quite easily (which kind of sucks when it's 20 minutes total at other times of day). One time, while driving home at 5:30 PM or so, I accidentally jumped the gun at stop sign, got justifiably honked at by a truck trying to make a right turn, stopped to let him pull in front of me when I realized my mistake, then got honked at again, as if he was impatient and wanted me to go. I decided it would be best to give him his turn, so I let him go ahead, and then at the next stop sign, he actually gets out of his truck, walks back to mine, and yells at me, "How many stops signs you have!!!!!" I sheepishly apologized. But dude, if you're in that big of a hurry, holding everyone else up at a stop sign isn't going to help you.

NP: "Frosti", Bjork

[enemy anemone]

Seriously? Now I feel stupid.

well, this was my experience: I was taking my driving test and was in the left-turn lane. a car was in front of me and in the intersection. I inched forward as well. the light turned red right as the car was turning. I was taken aback at how short the green light was and hesitated. the dmv person said that I have to turn since I am in the intersection, but only one car is allowed in the intersection at a time. *shame* 

[murlough23]

That's one of the things people do that make no sense: Design intersections with green lights that last all of 3 seconds.

[Vlad!]

It's true that only one car is allowed in the intersection at a time. However, you don't *have* to turn if you're in the intersection so long as you're not blocking anyone else.

Here's another driving-related thing that makes me batty - people who can't figure out whose turn it is at a roundabout or stop sign. It's the old "me-first-of-way" law out here in the Wild West, regardless of the fact that the person on the right is supposed to go first if you both got there at the same time.

So here's my question: you and the dude across from you arrive at a 4-way stop at the same time. You are going straight and he wants to turn left. Who has the right-of-way?

I think it's you, since going straight takes precedence over turn, but I've never been fully confident in that assessment and naturally I'm too lazy to look it up.

I got a wrong-number call yesterday. the girl wouldn't believe she had dialed the wrong number though and told me "I need to call my sister and she changed her phone number". oh! your sister! yes! glad you called because she left her new number with me!

My favorite is when someone calls you as a wrong number, you answer, and the person acts a little shocked, like "why is there a strange man answering my girlfriend's cell phone". It's understandable so it's not really something that makes no sense, but it's funny.

[murlough23]

So here's my question: you and the dude across from you arrive at a 4-way stop at the same time. You are going straight and he wants to turn left. Who has the right-of-way?

Legally: probably me. Practically: I'd probably let him go.

My favorite is when someone calls you as a wrong number, you answer, and the person acts a little shocked, like "why is there a strange man answering my girlfriend's cell phone". It's understandable so it's not really something that makes no sense, but it's funny.

I regularly do have other people answering my wife's cell phone, because she makes a habit of misplacing it. Fortunately, out of all of the things you could possibly misplace, the cell phone is probably about the easiest one to find.

[Vlad!]

There's this woman at work who is in love with the ! symbol. Every other sentence she writes has three of them (with a space in front, another thing that annoys me). It goes something like this:

From: Overly Excited Woman
Subject: Please join us in the cafe !!!
Our annual fall festival starts in two minutes !!! This is a fun event that you will not want to miss. Come down to the cafe for some fall fun !!!

Ok, we get the point, geez. The funny thing is, she's not hyper or loud in person at all.

[enemy anemone]

since I don't have to deal with that, I find it amusing. when reading, I substitute "chkchkchk" for "!!!" and imagine that she is a squirrel.

[murlough23]

Here's a good primer in the art of punctuation substitution.

http://www.zefrank.com/punc/

[Vlad!]

I usually just imagine her yelling it in an overblown, unnecessarily dramatic fashion.

Please join us in the CAFEEEEEE !!! (camera angle)
Our annual fall festival starts in TWOOOOO MINUUUTES !!! (random muscle flex + new camera angle)

[enemy anemone]

I had heard of zefrank through a knitting podcast and meant to check out the site but forgot. funny stuff; must explore more.

the 9000!!!! video went on for way too long. I was illogical enough to expect that there was some point to it at the end (someone commented "ROFL at the end") so I watched the whole thing. I know at the side it said blah blah blah minutes from blah blah blah seconds so yeah. that was something I did that made no sense. another thing that makes no sense but I find myself doing it anyway is expect things people do to make sense.

[Vlad!]

Yeah, I wanted to find the original, but apparently it's buried in the sands of youtube.

« Reply #15 on: Today at 09:14:30 AM »

Hmm, 9:14am - 3h = 6:14am. So are you up really early or going to bed extremely late?

[enemy anemone]

« Reply #15 on: Today at 06:14:30 AM »

up early. fell asleep unusually early and woke up at 3:45am. bah. doesn't make any sense.

[Vlad!]

Yeah, I think awkward sleeping habits fall under the "things our bodies do that make no sense" category.

Personally, I think smoking is something that people do which makes no sense. Can the nicotine buzz really be so great that it's worth all the well-documented health risks? Plus, everything (house, furniture, car, clothes) ends up smelling like tobacco smoke. Sometimes I see kids smoking and I'm just like, geez, don't do that to yourself.

[murlough23]

the 9000!!!! video went on for way too long. I was illogical enough to expect that there was some point to it at the end (someone commented "ROFL at the end") so I watched the whole thing. I know at the side it said blah blah blah minutes from blah blah blah seconds so yeah. that was something I did that made no sense.

That reminds me of Dane Cook's bit about YouTube, where you can punch some random string of characters into the search field, and get some video with a kid singing "A colon F six! A colon F six!", and you know it's totally stupid and pointless, but you still force yourself to watch all ten minutes of it.

another thing that makes no sense but I find myself doing it anyway is expect things people do to make sense.

That's much like me expecting technology to always work properly. I have much less patience with technology than I do with people, and I never had much with people to begin with. My computer crashes at least three times a week, like clockwork, and yet every time it happens I get all indignant.

[Vlad!]

That's much like me expecting technology to always work properly. I have much less patience with technology than I do with people, and I never had much with people to begin with. My computer crashes at least three times a week, like clockwork, and yet every time it happens I get all indignant.

Word. With the exception that if my computer crashed three times a week, it would get rebuilt from scratch, reformatted, and have a freshly installed OS. I can't handle that sort of crap.

It frustrates me when technology, supposedly deterministic, misbehaves in strange ways. I had a supervisor once who said "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results". Yeah, but you can't argue with experience, and let me tell you, sometimes the "reboot and try it again" mantra really works, for reasons that baffle computer scientists the world 'round.

[murlough23]

Word. With the exception that if my computer crashed three times a week, it would get rebuilt from scratch, reformatted, and have a freshly installed OS. I can't handle that sort of crap.

Trust me. If I knew how to do that, I would.

It frustrates me when technology, supposedly deterministic, misbehaves in strange ways. I had a supervisor once who said "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results". Yeah, but you can't argue with experience, and let me tell you, sometimes the "reboot and try it again" mantra really works, for reasons that baffle computer scientists the world 'round.

I'm guessing the intervening factor has to do with the environment, meaning things like heat and dust, etc., but poorly built hardware is likely to blame sometimes, as well as a poorly built OS in my case. I got what I deserved for not waiting for XP to come out. Only reason I haven't upgraded since then is because I'm not looking forward to reinstalling, reconfiguring, and in some cases re-buying everything.

[RedcoatJones]

- People who don't pull forward when waiting to turn left at a light. OK, maybe this is more a lack of consideration than a lack of logic, and it might just be an L.A./big city thing as far as I know. But I've waited in far too many queues at lights that don't have a green arrow for left turns (which in and of itself is a great pet peeve of mine), only to find that one car makes it through per cycle because people don't want to pull far enough into the intersection to let another car over the line. Whoever's in the intersection has to clear it when the light goes red, so it makes the most sense to allow as much room as you can for the people behind you, but people either don't realize this or just plain don't pay attention. Another variant of this is left turners at intersections where there's no separate lane for it, so everyone who wants to go straight gets stuck behind the left turner when they won't pull far enough forward to let the others around them. It's gotten to the point where I have a mental map of which intersections have "protected turns" and I refuse to turn left anywhere else - this seriously saves me ten minutes of driving sometimes, even if I'm actually going a little bit further distance-wise. (I've also done the "three right turns through a gas station" thing when I've noticed a really long queue waiting to turn left.)

You guys got any?

Heh ... you'd hate being behind me, since I've quit pulling all the way into intersections. I used to do it alot, but since our fair city has installed red light cameras at just about every intersection, I've gotten a little gunshy. Knowing I'm in the right and trying to convince someone who only has a photo of my car in the intersection with a big ol' red light and no context is just not worth the headache, time or expense. Though, I'm a little more aggressive on intersections I know well (and that I know have no red light cameras).

[Vlad!]

In Virginia, they ruled that photos from red light cameras are inadmissible in court. I don't recall why (I think it had to do with the difficulty of proving that the person driving the car is actually the person the car is registered to).

I'm guessing the intervening factor has to do with the environment, meaning things like heat and dust, etc., but poorly built hardware is likely to blame sometimes,

Yeah, I understand that the circumstances are never exactly the same.

as well as a poorly built OS in my case. I got what I deserved for not waiting for XP to come out. Only reason I haven't upgraded since then is because I'm not looking forward to reinstalling, reconfiguring, and in some cases re-buying everything.

Please tell me you're not running Windows ME.

[murlough23]

Yeah, I understand that the circumstances are never exactly the same.

Friggin' entropy.

Please tell me you're not running Windows ME.

OK, I won't.

I thought of a few new ones while Christmas shopping today, that involve store employees who work at cash registers. There are two questions they invariably ask me that I know are supposed to be rhetorical, because if I answered them anything other than "Yes", it would probably ruin their day. The first is, "Will that be all for you today?" Sometimes I want to answer, "No, now that you mention it, can you hold up the line while I go back find 5 more things?" The second is whenever I pay cash, they'll say something like, "Out of 20?", which I know isn't a question, but they make it sound like one, so part of me wants to respond, "What, are you dyslexic or something? That's a 50!"

I mean, I totally get the reasoning for both of those, but you can tell it's one of those things they do by rote because they have to. I used to work retail; I know the drill. And that's why I've never actually given them either of those sarcstic responses.

NP: "Untouchable", Luna Halo

[Vlad!]

At Harris Teeter[1], the checkout clerks are contractually obligated to ask "did you find everything OK today?". To be honest, I have occasionally had the dickens of a time finding things (and of course sometimes I look for things that they don't actually sell, which might count as well), but I always reply in the affirmative, simply because, by that point, my goal is to pay and exit, and answering "no" seems like it would impede that objective. At the very least I'd have to recite which items I had difficulty finding, and I'm afraid that they would whip out a survey or call over a manager or something equally distressing.

I've always interpreted "will that be all for you today?" as asking if there's anything else (i.e. non-purchase-related) that you need--this would be the time to pipe up if you wanted to sign up for a store credit card, for example, or ask about the return policy.

OK, I won't.

I want it duly noted that I am trying extra hard (per the Radiohead thread) to not hypocritically think of you as a worse person because of this

[1] Regulars will recall that this is the awkward name of the local grocery store I go to

[murlough23]

At Harris Teeter[1], the checkout clerks are contractually obligated to ask "did you find everything OK today?". To be honest, I have occasionally had the dickens of a time finding things (and of course sometimes I look for things that they don't actually sell, which might count as well), but I always reply in the affirmative, simply because, by that point, my goal is to pay and exit, and answering "no" seems like it would impede that objective. At the very least I'd have to recite which items I had difficulty finding, and I'm afraid that they would whip out a survey or call over a manager or something equally distressing.

Seriously. I seem to always end up behind the person who has an exception to the usual speedy checkout routine that holds everything up, so I don't want to be that guy if I can avoid it.

I've always interpreted "will that be all for you today?" as asking if there's anything else (i.e. non-purchase-related) that you need--this would be the time to pipe up if you wanted to sign up for a store credit card, for example, or ask about the return policy.

If I go into a store knowing that I want someone like that, I'll usually go to the customer service desk, or flag down an associate who is out and about in the aisles, etc., specifically with the purpose of avoiding wasting other customers' time.

I want it duly noted that I am trying extra hard (per the Radiohead thread) to not hypocritically think of you as a worse person because of this

If that's what you got out of the Radiohead thread, then no amount of effort on my part or bloop's is going to convince you that nobody thinks of you as a worse person. Please send all further correspondence on this topic to the Radiohead thread.

Anyway, you can say that it was an idiot move to purchase a computer with Windows ME on it, and I'd agree with you, because murlough in 2001 was rather bored and impatient for a way to entertain himself now that he was spending lots of time alone after his girlfriend dumped him (I didn't have a personal computer at all before that, and relied on my office computer and her status as a college student for ongoing internet access), and bought what he could get quickly and easily.

Why do I still have the blasted thing? Pure laziness. I will likely remedy this within the next year, though. It's an area where I'll admit to ignorance, but I know enough to know that it would be really hard to do worse than what I already have. I certainly acknowledge that there are far better operating systems out there; I don't have to personally be running one to be able to see that.

It's also worth noting that upgrading your operating system will cost you a significant amount of money; giving a CD a few more listens costs you nothing. I'm not going to judge people for sticking with what's affordable to them at the time; it's a bit different with music, because all CDs cost you roughly the same amount of money, and continuing to listen to them doesn't cost anything extra. (Plus, in Radiohead's case, you can listen to their new CD legally without it costing you a dime.) So I don't think your analogy really applies. But I totally acknowledge that you're much smarter about computers than me, and I don't think that this gives you some sort of warped mental image of me being a less intelligent person.

NP: "Jesus Is Just Alright", Robert Randolph & the Family Band feat. Eric Clapton

[Vlad!]

Haha, I didn't really want to continue the discussion. I just remembered that you used an operating system analogy one or two times in that thread, and darned if you weren't right after all.

It's also worth noting that upgrading your operating system will cost you a significant amount of money

Though this is a whole other topic entirely, it's worth noting that there are alternatives. Ubuntu, OpenSUSE, and Fedora are all popular desktop operating systems that I have friends who use. There's also PC-BSD and DesktopBSD; while Linux users feel superior to Windows users, BSD users generally feel superior to Linux users. None of these OSes cost a dime.

Amusing story: I used to have a laptop that dual-booted Windows XP and OpenSUSE 10.3. Recently, I gave it to my mom, since I never use it anymore. When she started it up the first time, it booted into OpenSUSE by default, and she didn't even know she wasn't in Windows--that's how well the latest KDE does at maintaining a natural feel for those who are used to Redmond's atrocities. I've been using Linux off and on for several years and use it professionally every day at work, so I expect to be pretty proficient with it. But when my mom can use it, I know that it's hit an inflection point. With people complaining about both Vista and MacOS 10.5, I have to wonder if, since it looks like we have to put up with crap no matter what, people won't start choosing free crap more often.

[murlough23]

Haha, I didn't really want to continue the discussion. I just remembered that you used an operating system analogy one or two times in that thread, and darned if you weren't right after all.

Well, if you can understand the temptation to judge a person's intelligence/value based on that, but also understand that it would be immature to do so, then I think you get where we're coming from.

Though this is a whole other topic entirely, it's worth noting that there are alternatives. Ubuntu, OpenSUSE, and Fedora are all popular desktop operating systems that I have friends who use. There's also PC-BSD and DesktopBSD; while Linux users feel superior to Windows users, BSD users generally feel superior to Linux users. None of these OSes cost a dime.

And I have about as much desire to spend the time figuring out my way around an OS that I'm completely unfamiliar with as you have to spend more time listening to Radiohead.

[enemy anemone]

here is something that has happened to me way too many times and I still don't get it.

A sees B sdf-ing. A thinks "sdf-ing should be done another way, using jkl". A buys jkl. jkl can be used by others, and not just for sdf-ing. but B doesn't use jkl, especially not for sdf-ing. A gets offended.

makes no sense.

[Vlad!]

A and B are exchanging gifts. B sees that A's gift is much more extravagant than the one given to A. B goes out and buys another gift to give to A.

This makes no sense to me. The second gift does nothing but cause awkward feelings all around. Gift giving is neither a competition nor bartering. They need not be equal to be meaningful.

[murlough23]

A and B are exchanging gifts. B sees that A's gift is much more extravagant than the one given to A. B goes out and buys another gift to give to A.

This makes no sense to me. The second gift does nothing but cause awkward feelings all around. Gift giving is neither a competition nor bartering. They need not be equal to be meaningful.

This drives me nuts, too, though I will feel guilty if someone gets me a gift and I got them nothing, because I didn't realize they considered me a close enough friend to exchange gifts with but they did, so I'll probably find them something after the fact, in order to not appear like a freeloader.

Of course, I realize that most people think this way, so it can actually feel like a burden to them when I give them a gift and they had nothing for me. I don't care that they had nothing for me; I got them the gift simply for the pleasure of giving it to them (and I don't force myself if I genuinely can't come up with something for somebody, unelss they're a super-close friend or relative). They'll usually say, "You didn't have to do that", and I'll usually respond that I knew that, but chose to do it anyway because I saw something I thought they'd like and figured, what the hey. Don't make me feel guilty for trying to give you stuff!

But yeah, gift-giving does create a lot of social complexity that I find myself wishing didn't have to be so complex at times.

In general, I'm annoyed with the things that people say or do because they feel like they "should", that aren't at all indicative of what they really want or feel. I know I'm probably stepping on the toes of a lot of cultural practices by saying this, but I really hate the whole thing where you're supposed to refuse something that is offered to you and wait for the other person to insist it's no trouble before taking it. There are times when I can tell that someone is offering something that would genuinely put them out, so I will refuse in those cases because I do honestly feel that it's going to be a burden for them (like going way out of their way to give me a ride when there's probably an easier way for me to get myself from Point A to Point B), but if someone offers me the last piece of chocolate in the box, then hell, I'm gonna take them up on that offer. I watch my friends get into these little "nice fights" and it makes me chuckle sometimes.

The senior pastor at my church (who is Chinese) has told funny anecdotes relating to how he was taught to always offer something to other people before taking it for himself, and to always refuse what's offered by others until they insist. When he was a kid, he'd go over to play at his (mostly white) friends' houses, and he'd be all hot and sweaty, and they'd offer sodas, and he'd politely refuse, and they'd be like, "OK, suit yourself" and just drink them all. They'd come over to his house, and he'd make the same offer, and they'd be like, "Of course!" and drink all the sodas, so either way, he got the shaft.

NP: "Lesser Things", Jars of Clay

[enemy anemone]

I really hate the whole thing where you're supposed to refuse something that is offered to you and wait for the other person to insist it's no trouble before taking it.

omg. I hate that but didn't really encounter it until I went to Asia to visit. I felt like people were being extremely pushy and bossy by insisting that I eat/drink something I didn't want and might even be allergic to.

speaking of which, it makes no sense for people to insist that you eat a little bit of something you're allergic to, as if eating a little bit will make your allergy go away.

oh yeah, and omg at Asians and their nice fights. my younger sis was telling me about her friend who has declared herself too lazy to participate in the nice fight. good for her; the nice fight must die.

[murlough23]

omg. I hate that but didn't really encounter it until I went to Asia to visit. I felt like people were being extremely pushy and bossy by insisting that I eat/drink something I didn't want and might even be allergic to.

There's one reason why I'm not a missionary. I'd either (a) offend somebody by not eating the homecooked meal they slaved over, or (b) die of anaphylactic shock.

speaking of which, it makes no sense for people to insist that you eat a little bit of something you're allergic to, as if eating a little bit will make your allergy go away.

There have been medical cases in which people have been able to slowly desensitize their allergies by way of controlled exposure to the allergen over time, but yeah, "Here, just eat it anyway" isn't exactly a wise approach.

I'm allergic to shellfish and I'm alerady paranoid enough about cross-contamination when I go to Chinese restaurants (and according to my friends, if it has an "A" grade from the Health Department, it's not an authentic Chinese restuarants), so remind me never to go to China.

oh yeah, and omg at Asians and their nice fights. my younger sis was telling me about her friend who has declared herself too lazy to participate in the nice fight. good for her; the nice fight must die.

I suppose having a "nice fight" beats just not giving a shit what other people want or feel, which is pretty much the American way of doing things. I think a lot of cultural traditions like that stemmed from a legitimate attempt to get people to show some sort of consideration for each other. What bugs me is when people become a slave to the tradition just 'cause it's the tradition, without really stopping to think about whether it accomplishes the desired effect. A little common sense goes a long way in such cases.

But that's one of my pet peeves in general - people who do things the way they've always been done simply because that's what they were taught, without any real thought as to the effectiveness of it. (This applies to ethnic cultures, churches, workplaces, etc.) The tradition should serve the people following it, not the other way around. If what's always been done still works, then great, go with it, but don't do it without considering the reasons why it's important.

NP: "Tourniquet", Evanescence

[Vlad!]

Exchanging Christmas cards is another way that we screw with ourselves. A friend from church told me "last Christmas we sent out over a hundred cards, so I said that this year we need to cut back. But then some of the people we cut off sent us cards, so we had to hurry and send one back to each of those". Feh and phooey on that. I send zero Christmas cards, and if I receive one then I will put it in a drawer, thank the person if it's someone I see face-to-face or talk with over IM, and not reciprocate. This strategy works well; people don't feel obligated to send me cards so the ones I do get actually mean something, and I don't have to stress over whom to send a card to.

Of course, I also don't give gifts to anyone except my immediate family (and even then the awkwardness described above occurs sometimes, as with this last Christmas), so maybe I'm just a scrooge.

[murlough23]

I always struggle with cards. I don't want to write platitudes, but struggle to constantly come up with original/interesting things to say at Christmas or on birthdays. (It's even harder when it's a sympathy card for somebody who had a loved one die.) As a result, I never give anyone cards as an individual, except for my wife, because I can come up with something relevant to say to her. Everyone else knows the drill - I wish that they'll have a happy (whatever) and/or feel better after (tragedy). Somehow it means more to me to say that in person, or better yet, to actually try and help them to have a happy (whatever) and/or feel better after (tragedy).

My wife is a huge fan of eCards and sends them to people all the time. Personally, I find them to be pithy and annoying, but whatever enables her to express to people that she cares, she should go with. At least we're to the point where she knows that I reciprocate in different ways - when we were first dating, if she sent a cutesy eCard and I didn't send one back, she'd be offended.

[enemy anemone]

There have been medical cases in which people have been able to slowly desensitize their allergies by way of controlled exposure to the allergen over time, but yeah, "Here, just eat it anyway" isn't exactly a wise approach.

I wouldn't have a problem if someone mentioned this and gave me the option of trying to desensitize myself if that's what I wanted to do. (I probably wouldn't try it though.) what I do have a problem with is when someone sneaks what I'm allergic to into food, thinking that if I don't see it, I will eat it and be cured of my allergy. (this goes beyond not making sense; it's disrespectful and dangerous.)

[murlough23]

I wouldn't have a problem if someone mentioned this and gave me the option of trying to desensitize myself if that's what I wanted to do. (I probably wouldn't try it though.) what I do have a problem with is when someone sneaks what I'm allergic to into food, thinking that if I don't see it, I will eat it and be cured of my allergy. (this goes beyond not making sense; it's disrespectful and dangerous.)

My wife is convinced that one day she'll sneak shrimp into something I'm eating and prove once and for all that the whole thing was psychosomatic. (There's an outside chance that it could be; I've felt similar sensations of having a lump in my throat and getting all congested when eating some of the randomest, run-of-the-mill foods.) While it may be true that I'm confusing some other reaction with an allergy problem, it's frustrating to have gone to allergists to test it and so forth, and not coming up with anything conclusive.

So, what are you allergic to, and how bad is it?

NP: "The Last Night", Skillet

[enemy anemone]

the most problematic thing I'm allergic to is the black mushroom commonly used in Chinese and other Asian cookery. wood ear, my dad calls it. apparently I'm also allergic to shiitake mushrooms too. button mushrooms are fine though. but the black mushrooms--it just takes a tiny sliver of one to make my lips swell up. that's the most common allergic reaction I get--swollen, itchy, blistery lips. sometimes the whole inside of my mouth gets swollen too. mainly the sides of my cheeks and my gums, not so much my throat. benadryl makes that go away pretty quickly, but the corners of my mouth will still crack. that's the most annoying part because then I can't talk or smile or eat without them hurting and cracking open again, and sour or salty or crunchy food that I can normally eat will irritate my mouth. this part will last at least a week. basically I have to drink from a straw and live on ice cream and oatmeal.
besides mushrooms, there are other unknown things that I'm also allergic to, mostly strange Asian food, like Japanese-style curry (didn't seem to have mushrooms) and an almond cookie from China (regular cookies, including almond cookies, are fine). but also lasagna from a certain local restaurant. it was okay the first day but the leftovers set off a reaction. this was the case with pizza with shiitake mushrooms too--the first couple of slices were fine, but the leftovers bothered me the next day. also the strange pale yellow grapefruit with the 3/4" thick rind. it grows in my grandma's back yard and tastes sweet, but I can't eat it. oh, and the "fresh" salsa in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. every other kind of canned or fresh salsa is fine, but not that. go figure.
when I was a little kid I got hives after eating a hotdog made from chicken. recently I had some chicken sausage with basil which gave me problems. plain ol' chicken meat is fine though. and the chicken sausage with mango (same brand) was fine. it's weird. and annoying, because half the time I don't even want to eat the stuff, but other people are like "try this! you will like it! it's my favorite!" my tendency is to dig in my heels if people insist after I've said no thanks, but then sometimes I feel bad, like maybe it really isn't necessary to be so stubborn. can a cookie in a wrapper I cannot read really hurt me? yes, apparently it can. sometimes it really doesn't pay to try to overcome one's faults.

in non-food things, I'm allergic to ragweed. itchy eyes, runny nose, that sort of thing. this was really bad when I lived in the rural areas of Missouri and Tennessee, but I haven't had problems out here. but last year I had one day of really bad hay fever. I ran to the drugstore to get antihistamines for my faucet face and was okay for a while...until a guy doused in cologne (Old Spice, I think) came into the office. no hope. my face resumed its horrific dripping. really scared my cow-orkers.
I just now remembered, when I lived in Missouri I had read about an herbal remedy for ragweed allergy. I made tea from dried ragweed leaves and drank it in the morning. it really seemed to help for a few hours. also chewing on locally harvested honeycomb or simply eating the raw honey would help clear up my nose if it was doing the stuffy thing instead of the runny thing. I think the idea was that it has the pollen in it. so the experimenting with desensitization seemed to work as far as that was concerned. I'm less willing to experiment with food allergies though.

classify allergies under "things bodies do that make no sense". *sigh*

[Vlad!]

Yeah, I can't stand allergies. In addition to being allergic to ragweed and pollen, I am also allergic to dogs and, to a lesser degree, cats. Different cats seem to affect me different ways, though; I can be around one friend's cat all day without a problem, but other cats have caused a sore throat and runny eyes within hours.

I have felt similar frustration regarding chocolate. Sometimes I will eat it and it makes me feel sick, almost to the point of throwing up. Other times, it will be fine. This has gone on long enough that I can't stand the taste or even the smell of chocolate. But since it happens intermittently, I always wonder whether it's a real reaction or just my body playing tricks on me -_-