Things people do that make no sense

[Vlad!]

I don't understand the use of the word "ass" as a modifier. Examples:
* That dog has some big-ass paws
* ...get on NC-52 north and drive for a long-ass way...
* So I got behind this slow-ass car...

I just don't get it. Why insert the word "ass" here? What does it add to the sentence?

[enemy anemone]

[murlough23]

Man, that really changes the meaning if you dig a big-ass hole.

[Vlad!]

Heh, I remember seeing that comic when it was first drawn.

But it doesn't really answer the question about how this entered our lexicon in the first place.

(This is why I think there's room for prescriptivists even in a predominantly descriptivist culture. I think our language would be a little more pleasant if, after the first person said "that is a big-ass mountain", the person he was speaking to replied "that makes no sense. Don't say that ever again".)

[murlough23]

According to Wikipedia, it's called "expletive infixation".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expletive_infixation

The key, as with all slang, is not to take it literally. If it made sense literally, it probably wouldn't make sense to use it as slang. The intended meaning is obviously just to express the intensity, vastness, awesomeness, utter crappiness, etc. of the thing being described, or the emphatic feeling of the person doing the describing.

Plus I think phrases like "backasswards" are just inherently funny.

[enemy anemone]

I think our language would be a little more pleasant if, after the first person said "that is a big-ass mountain", the person he was speaking to replied "that makes no sense. Don't say that ever again".)

yeah. it would be nice if that worked.

"stop trying to make 'fetch' happen!"

"don't call it that."

[Vlad!]

I have a wooden alphabet block attached to the wall of my cubicle with velcro (because I'm in blocks development, har har har). I attach it with velcro because for some reason everybody who walks by feels the need to grab it or flick it or turn it or do something to it, and it's always amusing to see someone try to grab my block and pull, expecting it to move normally.

The weird part is, this seems to be a primal mechanism, because it's as if the first time they notice they were actually doing anything to this block is when it didn't behave as they expected.

[murlough23]

Thing my Mom did this past week that made no sense:

1) Repeatedly nag me about what our plans for Easter are.
2) Fail to read her Email for two days when we sent her a message on Tuesday asking if she preferred for us to cook lunch or dinner. (OK, so her Internet was spotty over those days, but since she was wondering and had invites to other dinners that she turned down based on her assumptions of when we'd be available, she really should have called us.)
3) Get pissed when she finally reads her Email on Friday and finds out we've chosen dinner for her due to her lack of a response, and that we scheduled lunch with friends that we now didn't want to back out on.
4) Proceed to spend the entire weekend countering all of my attempts to reason with her with accusations that I'm a bad son because I don't make my mother the absolute A1 priority when scheduling my social life.
5) Not show up for the dinner (opting instead to spend the holiday entirely alone) that we cooked despite being available at that time of day.

Now that's just sad. But this sort of crap is typical in my family.

[Vlad!]

People tend to defeat security measures that are designed to protect them.

My company has a password expiration policy. Every so often (I think it's 90 days; it generally works out to how long it takes my fingers to get used to typing my current password) we have to change our login. This is a major pain, because it also involves updating fingerprint scanners and stuff, but the process has been streamlined to the point where it's not really a huge deal.

However, many of my co-workers will just tack a number on the end of their password, so if my password were 'password0' then I would change it to 'password1'.

In this case you're getting the worst of both worlds: you're not any more secure (because anyone with your old password can pretty easily guess your new password), but you still have to go through the trouble of teaching your fingers to type something new at the login prompt.

[murlough23]

My company has a password expiration policy. Every so often (I think it's 90 days; it generally works out to how long it takes my fingers to get used to typing my current password) we have to change our login. This is a major pain, because it also involves updating fingerprint scanners and stuff, but the process has been streamlined to the point where it's not really a huge deal.

90 days is a typical period for password expirations. I don't mind this with my local network - my workstation and the local servers I need to use here are all synched, so when I change my password on one, it propagates to the others. What drives me nuts is that the nature of my work means that I have accounts on servers all over the friggin' place, sometimes with different usernames depending on whether there was already another person in their department with my first initial and last name (which, given what you already know about me, is a likely occurrence). So I forget my password, or whether I have the right combo of username/password, on a fairly regular basis. Making matters worse is the fact that I can't just manually change to the same password everywhere. One system disallows underscores in passwords, the next system requires them, and the third system requires an underscore, at least one capital letter, at least one lowercase letter, and the hex code equivalent of the word "Rumplestiltskin".   

But the crown jewel of idiotic password schemes belongs to the system that I'm required to log into daily to do my timecards and other Human Resources-related business like required trainings and so forth. They reset passwords every 90 days, and send out notifications that your password is set to expire every 90 days excluding weekends and holidays. So by the time I get a friendly Email saying my password's about to expire, it's already expired. Gah.

NP: "The Last Words", Ivoryline

[Vlad!]

Thankfully, we have a "single sign-on" system in place, so I only have one username/password for everything--except for one freaking thing that apparently our IT support guys can't integrate with SSO. Fortunately, that password never expires (it can only be accessed from the internal network, so you have to have a valid SSO account to get to it anyway), so it's not that bad.

[Vlad!]

Here's an annoying behavior I see occasionally: someone will ask me a question, and the question isn't the question he actually wants answered but instead is some minor issue he's hit on his quest for enlightenment.

Example:

A walks into my cube this evening and says "I have a question: how does SCSI do X?"
Me: "There is no unified way that SCSI does X, it's protocol specific. iSCSI does it one way and FCP does it another way"
A: "Well, how does iSCSI do it then?"
Me: "Any answer I give you is likely to be wrong. Ask the iSCSI guys"
A: "They're all gone, and I'm trying to answer a question"
Me: "What question are you trying to answer?"
A: "How should we behave when Z happens?"
Me: "Oh, that's easy. Z shouldn't happen unless something is mis-configured, so fail"

A better way to phrase his question would be: "I'm trying to figure out how we should behave when Z happens, and since I think X is related to this, how does SCSI handle X?". That way I wouldn't have had to muddle through his assumptions to get to his real question.

(Sorry if this was a little confusing; I tried to expurgate all unnecessary technical details but leave enough in that it still makes sense).

[murlough23]

(Sorry if this was a little confusing; I tried to expurgate all unnecessary technical details but leave enough in that it still makes sense).

This is the part where I just smile and nod.

[enemy anemone]

That way I wouldn't have had to muddle through his assumptions to get to his real question.

heh. I run into something like this with conversations. for example, someone asked me out of the blue if I like opera. I had to think about the opera I have encountered and whether or not I could make a blanket statement about liking or disliking it. I used to be very prejudiced against opera, but there are some individual arias that I have appreciated. and perhaps I would be open to hearing more from the same operas if the opportunity arose, but I wouldn't seek out such opportunities. I wouldn't be very interested in attending an opera, mainly because I find it annoying when characters burst out in song. I would prefer to listen to the music by itself. I thought about all these things and thought I should think about them some more , but it turned out that the person just wanted to tell me about how awesome Paul Potts was but wasn't sure if I would even be interested in hearing about him. I felt like the person wasted my thinking-energy by asking the broad (and largely irrelevant) question "do you like opera?" when "have you heard of Paul Potts?" would have been more to the point.

(it has been said that I am incapable of giving a simple "yes" or "no" answer. however, if someone were to ask me "are you capable of giving a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer?" I would say "no". )

[Ian]

I do not understand why people insist on using computer labs dedicated to study as a place to hang out and crank tunes and chit chat

I hate not having my own computer >:|

[Vlad!]

I do not understand why people insist on using computer labs dedicated to study as a place to hang out and crank tunes and chit chat

It's because then you can tell yourself (and others) that you were working hard or studying when you're really not. I had my own computer all through college, and I never understood why I was so much more productive than most of my classmates even though it seemed like they would spend all afternoon studying. I liked to believe that it's because I was way more intelligent than they were, but I later discovered that the real reason was that when they said they were studying, it really meant they were in the computer lab studying facebook.

[Vlad!]

Heh, I remember seeing that comic when it was first drawn.

But it doesn't really answer the question about how this entered our lexicon in the first place.

(This is why I think there's room for prescriptivists even in a predominantly descriptivist culture. I think our language would be a little more pleasant if, after the first person said "that is a big-ass mountain", the person he was speaking to replied "that makes no sense. Don't say that ever again".)

News from the forefront of linguistic preservation!

One of my co-workers walked by and said "those are some big-ass headphones". I replied "no, they're for my head". He looked at me in confusion and walked off. I propose we continue to use this tactic until offenders associate using expletive infixation with confusing and annoying responses and thus stop doing it.

[murlough23]

Aw, but I like expletive infixation. I think it's fandamntastic.

[Vlad!]

If we're going to have a thread to call out others' nonsensical behavior, it's only fair that I also call out my own:

I know that I hate getting sunburned. I also know that I have so little melanin in my skin that I go directly from "whitey" to "burn victim" without even slowing down on my way through "pleasantly tan". And I furthermore know that the more overexposure to UV light I get, the more likely I am to develop the more disturbing types of skin cancer later in life. So why I don't just put sunscreen lotion on, I have no freaking idea.

In summary, yes, Memorial Day was fun and yes, I'm doing my lobster impression now :/

[murlough23]

I know that I hate getting sunburned. I also know that I have so little melanin in my skin that I go directly from "whitey" to "burn victim" without even slowing down on my way through "pleasantly tan". And I furthermore know that the more overexposure to UV light I get, the more likely I am to develop the more disturbing types of skin cancer later in life. So why I don't just put sunscreen lotion on, I have no freaking idea.

I have that problem too, often while hiking or bicycle riding. I rationalize that most of the hike/ride will be in the shade and that I don't want to slow others down by making them wait for me to cover every exposed inch of my skin with sunblock.

[NewDimension]

I rarely ever get sunburn. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I did get sunburn up until a couple of weeks ago- and then it was probably the worst sunburn I've ever had... my skin started peeling! But my theory (which is completely unscientific and solely based upon my observations) is that the longer your skin is exposed to the sun (e.i. being outside in the direct sunlight, for even short periods of time on a regular basis) the more acquainted your skin becomes with the sun (perhaps increasing your amount of melanin?) and making you less likely to become a victim of sunburn. At least that's how it seems to work for me. Even a couple years ago, I was outside as often as I could be on a fairly regular basis during the day, and I rarely ever got sunburn.. I would watch many of my friends and family members go through stages of horrible sunburn and I always wonder why I didn't, even though the color of my skin was very similar to theirs. Nowadays, I'm usually always doing something indoors during the day, therefore, I haven't been exposed to even minimal amounts of the sun like I used to be-- so sudden amounts of extended exposure to the sun (instead of gradually acquainting yourself with the sun through short, daily amounts of exposure), I believe, is why I got sunburn this year. But yeah, it's generally unhealthy to spend a great amount of time in the sun without the proctection of sunscreen (although it really didn't seem to make much of a difference for me back when I spent a lot of time in the sun on a regular basis; but perhaps I just couldn't visibly see the effects the sun was having on my skin during that time).

[murlough23]

But my theory (which is completely unscientific and solely based upon my observations) is that the longer your skin is exposed to the sun (e.i. being outside in the direct sunlight, for even short periods of time on a regular basis) the more acquainted your skin becomes with the sun (perhaps increasing your amount of melanin?) and making you less likely to become a victim of sunburn.

That sounds like a really good way to get skin cancer. Or to get that blotchy, dotted red skin that bikers' girlfriends get when they hit age 40 or so. (Assuming they're white, of course.)

[NewDimension]

That sounds like a really good way to get skin cancer. Or to get that blotchy, dotted red skin that bikers' girlfriends get when they hit age 40 or so. (Assuming they're white, of course.)

If people are overexposed to the sun for long periods of time, or if they generally have a low amount of melanin, sure, that can happen. That's why I inidicated, short periods of time. All I meant is, if you even spend fair amount of time in the sun everyday, say about 10 to 15 minutes of direct exposure at one time, allowing for intervals inbetween the periods of time that you spend in the sun so that you don't become overexposed to it-- perhaps that amount of time does help build your melanin so you are more resistant towards, at least, immediate sunburn. Spending 10 to 15 minutes in direct sunlight, is relatively healthy for you during the summer. And spending 40 minutes in sun during the winter is also a reasonable amount of time before the UV rays start eating at your skin. Really, the sun can be healthy for your skin and body if you use moderation and caution with how often you expose yourself to it. The sun produces natural vitamin D, which is absorbed into your body and helps your immune system protect itself from viruses. It all comes down to spending a moderate amount of time in the sun; not overexposure or underexposure. My point is, if you're underexposed to the sun, perhaps that can make you more susceptible and likely to receive sunburn when you are in the sun for an extended period of time, as opposed to those who are in the sun on a fairly regular basis- but aren't overexposed to it during that time they spend in it on a regular basis.

[Vlad!]

I don't know a whole lot about what happens to our skin when sunburned, but I suspect your method varies a lot in effectiveness depending on the individual. Those who are at high risk for skin cancer (which I believe also contains the people who burn the most easily) would be ill-advised to follow your suggestion. Ultimately, if you tend to burn, find a brand of sunscreen you can stand and remember to use it when appropriate.

[murlough23]

I don't know a whole lot about what happens to our skin when sunburned, but I suspect your method varies a lot in effectiveness depending on the individual. Those who are at high risk for skin cancer (which I believe also contains the people who burn the most easily) would be ill-advised to follow your suggestion.

This is how the rest of the world gets revenge on whitey, I suppose.

Ultimately, if you tend to burn, find a brand of sunscreen you can stand and remember to use it when appropriate.

It's 50 SPF for me!

Oddly enough, I once spent an entire summer living and working at a Christian camp, and since it was on an island I spent a lot of my free time on the beach, as well as hiking and other things like that. Didn't get burned all summer, until the day I left. I forgot to put sunblock on during the boat ride back to the mainland, and I came back red as a lobster from just that one day. DOH!

[NewDimension]

I don't know a whole lot about what happens to our skin when sunburned, but I suspect your method varies a lot in effectiveness depending on the individual. Those who are at high risk for skin cancer (which I believe also contains the people who burn the most easily) would be ill-advised to follow your suggestion. Ultimately, if you tend to burn, find a brand of sunscreen you can stand and remember to use it when appropriate.

Oh, I definitely agree. It certainly depends on the individual and their particular type of skin; since everyone's skin is different, and even our own skin changes over time due to age and various factors that can effect it. I was just merely stating one factor (in many) that could effect the likelihood of someone receiving sunburn.

[Vlad!]

and even our own skin changes over time due to age and various factors that can effect it. I was just merely stating one factor (in many) that could effect the likelihood of someone receiving sunburn.

Off-topic grammar note: when it's used as a verb, you should write affect, not effect.

[NewDimension]

Off-topic grammar note: when it's used as a verb, you should write affect, not effect.

Aha! I've been meaning to review the difference between the affect and effect. Thanks for the reminder Vlad!. Occasionally, effect can be used as a verb and affect can be used as a noun - but that's usually not the general rule.

[Vlad!]

Occasionally, effect can be used as a verb and affect can be used as a noun - but that's usually not the general rule.

That is true, but generally when effect is used as a verb it's a formal/slightly archaic usage and when affect is used as a noun it's jargon.

[murlough23]

That is true, but generally when effect is used as a verb it's a formal/slightly archaic usage and when affect is used as a noun it's jargon.

Or it just means people don't know what their doing.

(Yes, that was intentional.)

[bethany]

Or it just means people don't know what their doing.

(Yes, that was intentional.)

Your just going to have to except that its harder then you might think too keep it straight.

[murlough23]

Your just going to have to except that its harder then you might think too keep it straight.

It's "strait", ya dummy.

[Vlad!]

So if I can interrupt your "how low can you go" contest, here's something that bugs me and I don't understand why: It annoys me when people use the construction "my <software product name>". Examples:
* For some reason my Outlook stopped working today
* I posted that on my Facebook
* Oh yeah, I saw that on your myspace just the other day

I don't really have a grammatical axiom to back me up, but it really annoys me when people say things like that (however, when the product name is a concrete object, like "I called you on my iPhone", it doesn't really bother me).

I don't understand why this bugs me so much, so then I get mad that I'm irritated for no good reason, and then I get even more irritated.

I suspect this is related to my aforementioned anger at calling a wiki page or wiki article a 'wiki'.

[murlough23]

* For some reason my Outlook stopped working today

The instance of Outlook running on my computer.

* I posted that on my Facebook
* Oh yeah, I saw that on your myspace just the other day

My Facebook page/your MySpace page.

I don't have a problem with this. It's just referring to one's instance of something - the part of it that one has ownership of. I'd even go so far as to say "My Internet's not working". I don't own the Internet, but everyone knows I mean my Internet connection.

Though saying "My Myspace" gets on my nerves because, while syntactically valid, it sounds awkward.

[enemy anemone]

I don't get annoyed at those in particular, but some types of phrases like that do bug me. the other day "I have a Twitter" annoyed me. the structures "I signed up for Twitter" and "I have a Twitter account" don't bug me. awhile back a kid told me "I have a webby!" meaning some sort of simplistic personalized web page. instant annoyance. oh, and if people call their myspace page their website. gah!

[murlough23]

I don't get annoyed at those in particular, but some types of phrases like that do bug me. the other day "I have a Twitter" annoyed me.

That one is a little weird. I can mentally slam the word "account" or "username" or whatever in thre; I know what they mean. But since "Twitter" can be used as a verb, it introduces an ambiguity - are you saying you have an account, or that you have a Twitter message that somebody sent you?

awhile back a kid told me "I have a webby!" meaning some sort of simplistic personalized web page.

He could have a Webby if he won an award for his simplistic personalized webpage. Oh wait, you wouldn't win one just for that.

instant annoyance. oh, and if people call their myspace page their website. gah!

It actually serves the function of a personal website for a lot of people. They didn't design it - in truth, they have a web page whose contents they are allowed to control, which is part of a larger web site (the site being MySpace in general). In terms of common usage, though, I think it's good that Facebook and MySpace have largely replaced the whole "awkward amateur HTML thrown together in a weekend" variety of personal websites. It gets the layperson up and running with a web presence more easily. Leave the HTML to the folks who really have some sort of programming aptitude and/or really want to learn how to design a good website.

[enemy anemone]

oh, I know what they mean (or I find out), but that doesn't make the phrases any less annoying to me.

[Vlad!]

The instance of Outlook running on my computer.

My Facebook page/your MySpace page.

Pft, don't make it so complicated. Just say "outlook stopped working" or "I posted that on Facebook". I guess that's the root of the problem. It's not "your" Outlook, it is Outlook.

[murlough23]

It's not "your" Outlook, it is Outlook.

Yes, but since it only crashed on my computer, not everybody's, I understood the need to specify.

Though, being Outlook, it will eventually crash on everybody.

[Vlad!]

Things I have done that make no sense, double-fail edition!

So last Wednesday I baked something, as I do most Wednesdays. However, for some reason known but to God I decided to store the baking dish in the oven after it was done. I am at a loss to adequately explain why. So today, in preparation for baking yet another thing, I preheated the oven. When I opened it to insert the banana bread, I saw my cake pan sitting there. I regarded it as one might regard a stranger encountered in one's own home, and then reached in with my bare hand to remove the pan (from the pre-heated oven). Fortunately it was my fancy silicon pan so instead of the second-degree burn I no doubt deserve I just got scalded a little.

o_O