Things people do that make no sense

[murlough23]

That reminds me of how much I suck at roasting marshmallows. I can never get it right - I either I hold it way too far from the fire and basically end up eating a raw marshmallow on a smore that can't be squished down, or I end up with the thing on fire. While at the beach a few weeks back, I experienced an epic fail - I caught a marshmallow on fire, and then, being too timid to blow it out, I just dropped the marshmallow and the metal skewer I was using to roast it into the fire. I then came to my senses and realized I shouldn't let it just sit there in the fire, so I used a coat hanger to remove the skewer (which fortunately had a handle) and let it sit there in the sand to cool. Unfortunately I then tried to pick it up way before it had adequate time to cool, and ended up with a nasty burn across the tips of my thumb and forefinger, which turned into a blister that made it difficult to type in a few days' time. I was able to observe that newly burned skin turns interesting colors.

[enemy anemone]

I know people who store pots and pans in the oven. I think it's an Asian thing. or at least a people-who-don't-bake-much thing.  

[murlough23]

I know people who store pots and pans in the oven. I think it's an Asian thing. or at least a people-who-don't-bake-much thing.  

If you're one of those people who uses the oven to heat the house in the winter, this has the bonus effect of keeping your pots and pans sterilized.

[Vlad!]

That reminds me of how much I suck at roasting marshmallows.

I think the genesis of both your fails in that story would be a lack of patience.

If you're one of those people who uses the oven to heat the house in the winter, this has the bonus effect of keeping your pots and pans sterilized.

Do people really do that?

[murlough23]

I think the genesis of both your fails in that story would be a lack of patience.

Most of my fails in life can probably be traced to that. I am notoriously impatient these days, at least with anything other than music.

Do people really do that?

My Mom does. Not terribly energy efficient, but you know, when you can't afford to fix the heating system...

[Vlad!]

Most of my fails in life can probably be traced to that. I am notoriously impatient these days, at least with anything other than music.

I understand; I had to learn patience myself, as it definitely doesn't come naturally to me!

My Mom does. Not terribly energy efficient, but you know, when you can't afford to fix the heating system...

Ah, I see. So it's less because she thinks it's efficient and more because it beats kindling a fire in the guest room.

[murlough23]

I understand; I had to learn patience myself, as it definitely doesn't come naturally to me!

I tried to learn patience, but it was taking too damn long, so I gave up.

Ah, I see. So it's less because she thinks it's efficient and more because it beats kindling a fire in the guest room.

Guest room? Ha! As if.

[chrisnu]

I got an e-mail from family with the subject "New signs - these are GREAT!" Apparently, these were erected outside a restaurant in Pennsylvania. The e-mail ends with "this guy should be funded!" Here's some choice examples. If I say anything, I'm probably going to get a dirty look at the next holiday meeting, or whatever. I really should.


US CONSTITUTION IN ENGLISH
BILL OF RIGHTS IN ENGLISH
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEAK
ENGLISH PLEASE FEEL FREE TO
RETURN TO THE SHIT HOLE OF A
COUNTRY YOU LEFT BEHIND

BEFORE
MADE IN AMERICA WITH PRIDE
NOW- MADE IN CHINA WITH POISON
AND ANY OTHER SHIT THEY CAN
DUMP IN THE USA
PISS ON CHINA BUY AMERICAN

ONE NATION UNDER GOD
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS
& THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT
TOUGH SHIT

[murlough23]

US CONSTITUTION IN ENGLISH
BILL OF RIGHTS IN ENGLISH
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEAK
ENGLISH PLEASE FEEL FREE TO
RETURN TO THE SHIT HOLE OF A
COUNTRY YOU LEFT BEHIND

Great, where can we send the lazy English speakers who can't be bothered with complete sentences? Australia's not a penal colony any more, so...

BEFORE
MADE IN AMERICA WITH PRIDE
NOW- MADE IN CHINA WITH POISON
AND ANY OTHER SHIT THEY CAN
DUMP IN THE USA
PISS ON CHINA BUY AMERICAN

Oh no, you didn't! China will now feel the need to retaliate using beverage warfare tactics (which mostly involves going pee-pee in your Coke).

ONE NATION UNDER GOD
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS
& THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT
TOUGH SHIT

Hey wait, isn't that from a Derek Webb song?

[Vlad!]

Ah, jingoism. My favorite vice-masquerading-as-a-virtue.

[chrisnu]

Yeah, I wrote back, being as cordial as I can, that I'd prefer not to receive any more of these. These are coming from Christians. Do I think I'm better than that? I know I'm not. It just saddens me a bit that people are being hated because of where they come from, even in generalizations.

[Vlad!]

I think that's just the natural outcome of isolationism (intentional or otherwise). I work with Indian people and East Asian people and European people every day. I can see that they're really just like me. We may have different cultural backgrounds, but we're all people. Without that understanding, fear and hatred can easily develop.

[murlough23]

On the subject of China, I find great irony in the fact that a technically Communist country is apparently beating us at the whole capitalism game.

On the subject of people being people so let's not be prejudiced assholes - yeah, what Vlad! said.

[chrisnu]

An acquaintance on Facebook just decided that they're not going to use Gmail because they don't offer live phone support, and would not let them import their old e-mail (from another e-mail address).

THE SERVICE IS FREE. What the hell do you expect? If you want some of these features, pay for them.

[Aaron]

An acquaintance on Facebook just decided that they're not going to use Gmail because they don't offer live phone support, and would not let them import their old e-mail (from another e-mail address).

THE SERVICE IS FREE. What the hell do you expect? If you want some of these features, pay for them.

If you can't figure out Gmail, then you should just kill yourself.  It's so easy.   

[Vlad!]

OK, so the live phone support think is a bit excessive, but I think it's very reasonable to not choose to use gmail because you can't import your old mail. I have 826 megabytes of mail dating back as early as 2003, and if gmail can't import it then I'm not going to use it.

(I do have a gmail account--two of them, in fact--but I use POP3 and aggregate all my mail accounts through Thunderbird. I almost never actually use the gmail site to check my mail.

If you can't figure out Gmail, then you should just kill yourself.  It's so easy.   

Those who actually read chrisnu's post realize that his e-quaintance decided not to use gmail because of a feature it lacked, not because it was too hard to figure out.

[Aaron]

My comment was more towards the comment about phone support.

[Vlad!]

My comment was more towards the comment about phone support.

I assume he wanted live phone support so he could complain about not being able to import his e-mail, not because he was too stupid to use the interface.

[chrisnu]

I was flipping through the channels and heard Joan Osborne's "One of Us" being played during an ending montage; I think it was Cold Case. It made me remember the hullabaloo when I was a young teen, that Christians should boycott her music because it's sacrilegious.

[murlough23]

I was flipping through the channels and heard Joan Osborne's "One of Us" being played during an ending montage; I think it was Cold Case. It made me remember the hullabaloo when I was a young teen, that Christians should boycott her music because it's sacrilegious.

I was against most "secular" music at the time, but I really connected with that song. I figured "Well, God really did become a slob like one of us at one point... and yeah, people don't really keep in touch with Him that well."

NP: "Hard on You", Rob Thomas

[Vlad!]

An acquaintance on Facebook just decided that they're not going to use Gmail because they don't offer live phone support, and would not let them import their old e-mail (from another e-mail address).

THE SERVICE IS FREE. What the hell do you expect? If you want some of these features, pay for them.

Gmail now allows mail import, by the way, though only for online POP3 mailboxes. You can't upload your massive mailbox file from your disk, unfortunately (maybe they're working on that).

[enemy anemone]

it doesn't make any sense to me when people don't differentiate between who they think is "the greatest" and who they think is "the most likable".

I think I ended up insulting someone because of this. I was like "but you don't know enough about them to even have a valid opinion on who is the greatest!" I guess that's kind of ouch. haha. even if it is true. (hey I don't know enough about them either, but I know that I don't, so I won't go around saying who I think is the greatest.) then I said "if you're talking about who you find the most likable, then I have no argument with you about this."

I find it strange that some people randomly tell me "if you ask me who/what I think is the best/greatest/whatever...." when I didn't ask them. wouldn't think of asking them because I don't think they know what they're talking about. I guess they just want to say "I like so-and-so". I think I should inform my babel fish to translate the phrase that way so I don't get into needless and insulting arguments.

[murlough23]

I think I've learned to split the difference. People will always have their favorites for personal reasons that are often tough to quantify. But it can never hurt to be "more informed" and to learn why others see things differently. There's a big difference between the latest U2 album being your favorite out of the two you've heard and the latest U2 album being your favorite out of their entire discography, for example.

[enemy anemone]

I don't have so much of a difficulty when it's about things like that, although I do think people should say "favorite" if that is what they mean rather than "best". 
the thing I was fussing about in my previous post had to do with "greatest leader", and the person couldn't (or just didn't) tell me anything about the favored leader's accomplishments that made him great. turned out the leader was just "the most likable of those I'm familiar with". which is fine--I like Calvin Coolidge based on a few quotes and anecdotes about his personality, but I'm not about to state that I think he was the greatest President. or even a great one. totally different thing.

[murlough23]

At this moment, I'm reminded of the film Two Weeks Notice, which was not a great film, but which did contain the following interaction between Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant's characters that might be applicable here:

SB: "You are the most selfish person in the world."
HG: "How can you say that? Do you know every person in the world?"

[enemy anemone]

I liked that line. of course. but my favorite exchange was this:

Helen Wade: Would you like anything?
George Wade: I could really go for some Milk Duds.
Helen Wade: We don't have any, I could send out for one.
George Wade: Oh no, don't be ridiculous. If you're going to send out, get a whole box.

[Vlad!]

it doesn't make any sense to me when people don't differentiate between who they think is "the greatest" and who they think is "the most likable".

I think my signature quote is apropos here (quoted below for posterity):

A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.
George Orwell

I think that if you confronted your average linguistic offender--and I'm not excluding myself from this group, because I'm sure at some point in my adult life I've said "X is great" when I really meant "I like X"--he would be completely clueless as to why you're bothered by his phrasing. We have become so haphazard with our vernacular that half the time I spend arguing turns out to be futile because of some miscommunication, and this very haphazardness is what makes it difficult to reason about and discuss these miscommunications.

[murlough23]

If you really want to be pedantic about it, I'm not sure anything can be "great" or "the best" in the objective sense. These descriptors imply someone's reaction to or feeling about something, rather than its intrinsic, factual worth. You can get a general consensus of people to acknowledge that something is great, but that's really just a majority rule sort of situation - there might be a few detractors, but generally not enough of them to change the popular perception. That doesn't mean the popular perception of "greatness" is without merit - I think it's valuable that we almost universally consider Abraham Lincoln to have been a great President, for example - I'm just pointing out that it has its limits (even more so when applied to something more subjective like art), and because of that, when somebody calls something "great", I usually infer that to mean that they liked/respected it a lot.

NP: "Doublespeak", Thrice

[Vlad!]

I think Schil's point, and mine as well (though as usual it was covered by my prose) is that there's a burden of proof that exists when asserting something is great that isn't there when saying I like something. If I say "I like president Obama", I present all the proof I need. But if I say "president Obama is a great president", I should be prepared to present evidence to this effect to skeptics.

(It gets a little murkier if I say "I think president Obama is a great president", because it may be true that I think that, but I could also very well be wrong. I interpret these statements as more equivalent to the latter than the former in my previous examples, but I think colloquially some may use it more like the former)

[murlough23]

Well, yeah. I can't argue with you about whether you think something to be true. You can think the world is flat if you really want to. But if you tell me you think something that seems pretty off-base, I'm likely to challenge your reasons for thinking it. (So even with something based more on opinion than fact, such as liking President Obama, I might challenge your reasons for liking him if I myself had reasons to strongly dislike him. But that sword cuts both ways.)

The problem I often have is that I get accused of dictating to the rest of the world what they must believe as fact (or else people think I view them as fools) when I say something like "best" worst", "great", "awful", etc. that implies an objective measurement more than a subjective feeling. It gets burdensome to either limit my vocabulary to like/dislike or to constantly reiterate that this is just my opinion. There are times when I wish people would stop being so literal and just take it as such.

NP: "At the Last", Thrice

[Vlad!]

The problem I often have is that I get accused of dictating to the rest of the world what they must believe as fact (or else people think I view them as fools) when I say something like "best" worst", "great", "awful", etc. that implies an objective measurement more than a subjective feeling. It gets burdensome to either limit my vocabulary to like/dislike or to constantly reiterate that this is just my opinion. There are times when I wish people would stop being so literal and just take it as such.

Hm, it sounds like you're part of the problem then

[murlough23]

Hm, it sounds like you're part of the problem then

I only appear to be part of the problem. I'd be part of the problem if I were truly insisting, "This thing is objectively great". Maybe I'm slacking off on language a little bit, but then it leaves little room for varying my word choices when I write. The whole exercise becomes extremely pedantic. Which explains my signature block over on Jarchives:

DISCLAIMER: The preceding post was a statement of opinion, and does not reflect the views of the members of Jars of Clay, the moderators of Jarchives, or any member of the Holy Trinity. In fact, it is only my opinion that this is my opinion. In my opinion, you may choose to believe that my opinion is fact, if in fact you are of the opinion that you are allowed to choose what you believe, which presupposes the opinion that you do in fact exist in the first place - in my humble opinion, of course. It is my opinion that all of my opinions are humble opinions, but this does not indicate a bias on my part against opinions which are, in my opinion, proud opinions.

It's reassuring knowing that'll get posted automatically for me underneath everything I write.

[murlough23]

Reviving this thread for new tales of nonsense in the new year...

This might just be a corporate culture thing, but why do people keep sending me Emails asking me to "please find" attachments? I know this is just an overly PC way of saying, "Make sure you look for the attachment rather than thinking this is all there is to the Email, dummy", but the fact that I have to be asked politely to find an attachment is funny, as if I wouldn't notice it without being asked politely, or as if it would put me out to have to open it. Actually reading it is the thing that might put me out (particularly if it's some jargon-laden communique from corporate), so wouldn't "Please see/read the attached file" be a less cumbersome way of stating this?

NP: "Heads Will Roll", Yeah Yeah Yeahs

[enemy anemone]

that reminds me of the way the word "kindly" is used sometimes, like in a request. "kindly open the attached file", haha. what does it even mean? that I must open it in a kind manner, that it would be kind of me to open it, or that the use of the word "kindly" makes the request polite rather than bossy? or "thank you kindly". why even add "kindly"? to me it sounds like "I am being kind by thanking you, in case you couldn't tell!"

[murlough23]

that reminds me of the way the word "kindly" is used sometimes, like in a request. "kindly open the attached file", haha. what does it even mean? that I must open it in a kind manner, that it would be kind of me to open it, or that the use of the word "kindly" makes the request polite rather than bossy? or "thank you kindly". why even add "kindly"? to me it sounds like "I am being kind by thanking you, in case you couldn't tell!"

Maybe if you open it rudely, you'll get a blue screen of death.

[Vlad!]

I was looking for software that would let me read the Bible on my handheld, and I found the E-Sword project. They have a bunch of less-popular translations (plus like eight different versions of the KJV) available for free, but they also have the ESB for free, which is pretty sweet because though I haven't spent a lot of time studying the differences and possible biases of the various translations, what I've read of the ESB seems to strike a good balance between literal translation and accessible language.

Anyway, the format the e-sword has the text in is Windows Executable, so I was doing a Google search to see if I could get it in a better format (answer: yes, there are raw downloads available)...and I found a torrent of pirated bible translations.

Now, call me a hypocrite (I've downloaded my share of mp3s without paying for the albums), but something about that just seems wrong.

(I was tempted to add an ameliorating paragraph or two based around one of the comments on that torrent: "Thanks very ...the rand to dollar exchange kills us in South Africa". OK, so maybe it's providing a service by getting Bibles into places where people couldn't afford Bibles otherwise. But first of all, this person could obviously afford a computer, and second, the same person wrote earlier in the same comment "Also does anyone have the (ESV)...English Standard Version and the (NRSV) New Revised Standard Version", which makes me wonder because it seems to me that if this dude was just a humble seeker trying to get his hands on a Bible he wouldn't be looking for a whole bunch of different translations. And of course there's the fact that there are a lot of translations available for free, so it's not like e-sword is doing wrong by denying this guy a translation).

[murlough23]

Stealing Bibles (or their electronic equivalents) is unfortunately not just a punchline. The local Christian bookstore told me last year they had downsized due to lost revenue from people stealing Bibles - just taking them and walking right out the front door. I went back in December to do some Christmas shopping and found that the place had gone out of business completely.

[Vlad!]

Every time I go to Virginia in the winter (BTW, I'm in Virginia again, but just until tomorrow), I'm reminded how how better they are than North Carolina at dealing with snow. That is, except in their parking lots. They have this bad habit of running the plows through the lots and creating huge snow mounds right behind the parking spaces. Then they don't salt those mounds, causing them to freeze. It took three dudes and a lot of wheel spinning to get my friend's Honda Civic unstuck this evening.

[Vlad!]

As soon as I write a program, people complain that it's not fast enough. As a defensive mechanism, I've started to build simple profiling into everything that I write. That way, when I get told that the program is slow, I say, "let's look at the profiles".

Executing command...
file list => 0.634 seconds
dir map => 0.715 seconds
file map => 0.002 seconds
client file list => 0.009 seconds
populate list => 0.017 seconds
process list => 0.001 seconds
waiting on user input => 12.602 seconds
command execution => 0.096 seconds
Total: 14.08 seconds
All done!

We look at that, and I say "OK. The program took fourteen seconds to run. Twelve and a half of that was waiting for your slow meat-brain to catch up and tell it what to do. Which part of this do you want me to speed up?"

"Um, I guess it's fine the way it is".

[murlough23]

The people who run timekeeping for my company (a subcontractor who does it for several companies - I'm not slagging my own company here) are apparently determined to make my life as inconvenient as possible.

Case 1: We have electronic keyfobs with numeric passwords that change every 30 seconds or so which allow us to log into the timekeeping system. A bunch of these expired at the end of January, making it difficult to get into the system without jumping through a bunch of extra hoops. So I called the Helpdesk and ordered a new one. They took down my work address (which they should already have on file since they ask me like ten security questions every time I call to make sure somebody's not impersonating me and trying to commit corporate espionage via my timecard), which is located in the 200 block of a street called "Euclid". I understand that the average Joe might not know how to spell "Euclid". But since the Helpdesk person did not ask for a spelling, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Turns out he wrote down "Yoohood" and wrote down an address in the 2000 block of that nonexistent street. So I got a very confused call from UPS a week and a half later when they finally bothered to ship the darn thing. I promptly called the Helpdesk back and gave some poor sap an earful about the value of asking follow-up questions.

Case 2: We are required to log the exact hours we worked on a daily basis. If we skip a day and go back later to fill it in, we'll get a nastygram from an auditor saying that we failed to comply with the rules and must re-take a timecard training module. Naturally, this gets our butts in gear to get them done on time. However, each week's timecard is required to be submitted by the employee no later than 10 AM Friday (noon Central time). Many folks in our group don't start their work day until 10 or later. We were previously allowed to fill out Friday's time on Thursday night and submit the whole thing. This ability was taken away from us due to others abusing the system and hazarding a guess at their entire week in advance to escape the notorious auditing process. So now, just to get the darn thing in on time, I would theoretically have to change my work schedule. (You laugh, but our company allows flex time and certain customers have to come to depend on my still being in the office at 6 or 7 PM when something invariably goes wrong after others have gone home.) Either that or my supervisor would have to take a ton of extra time to fill the darn things in on our behalf - and regardless of whether it's done Thursday night or Friday morning, Friday's time is still an estimate, so who cares when it's entered? I was told that it's a "global" system and they can't enable a future day to be filled in for Friday but not earlier in the week. Hmmm, sounds like a case of a lazy programmer who doesn't want to deal with a special case.

Case 3: When I called last night to report the problem described in Case 2, I left my phone number (my cell, since I needed a resolution before the time I expected to be back at work Friday morning) and was told someone from Timekeeping would contact me. Well, someone from that Timekeeping office somewhere in the Midwest did contact me today, at 6:45 in the morning. Now see, I've worked at call centers before. I know most people don't have a mental rolodex of all area codes in the United States, but usually when you get instructions to call people, you're made aware of their time zone so that you don't wake them up or interrupt their dinner (except in the case of bill collectors and telemarketers, of course). Given that this department is called Timekeeping, I think you can appreciate the irony here.

Bottom line: I love my work, but I hate the obstacle course of flaming hoops that I have to jump through just to record the work that I'm doing.