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murlough23
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« Reply #80 on: April 06, 2009, 03:38:26 PM » |
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That makes the quote funnier. I love the idea of a person's conniving schemes becoming their undoing, or of a person sealing their own tragic fate by their very efforts to avoid it. Basically I'm just amused by the thought of people screwing themselves.
NP: "Circle Up", Chris Rice
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enemy anemone
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« Reply #81 on: April 06, 2009, 04:47:57 PM » |
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I had imagined a petard as a gallows. so, like Haman.
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« Last Edit: April 06, 2009, 04:55:24 PM by schilleriana »
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murlough23
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« Reply #82 on: April 06, 2009, 04:53:43 PM » |
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I feel like we had the "petard" discussion once before, and that if we did, surely I must have quoted Plucky Duck from Tiny Toon Adventures:
"Whatever a petard is, I hope it's not hard to hoist! I'm hernia-prone!"
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enemy anemone
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« Reply #83 on: April 06, 2009, 04:57:40 PM » |
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murlough23
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« Reply #84 on: April 06, 2009, 04:58:17 PM » |
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Oops. Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.
NP: "I Don't Feel So Well", Vienna Teng
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Vlad!
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« Reply #85 on: April 06, 2009, 05:06:36 PM » |
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Heh, I remembered writing about the petard thing before, but I had assumed that murlough wasn't part of the conversation given his comments earlier in this thread.
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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enemy anemone
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« Reply #86 on: April 06, 2009, 05:08:45 PM » |
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I had read that post back then but managed to forget that a petard is more like a land mine than a gallows.
maybe this time I will remember.
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Vlad!
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« Reply #87 on: April 06, 2009, 05:19:32 PM » |
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You were too busy attempting to set the record for Internet's slowest flip book by changing your avatar.
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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murlough23
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« Reply #88 on: April 06, 2009, 05:21:14 PM » |
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Things you should never put too much trust in:
1) My memory.
2) Uhhhh... I know there was a number 2...
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Vlad!
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« Reply #89 on: April 07, 2009, 03:09:50 PM » |
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<Setting: I'm playing foosball with a short co-worker against a dude that we were beating pretty handily>
Me: Well, don't feel too bad about losing. It is 2 against 1.
Her: More like one and a half against one. I don't think I count as a full player.
Me: Was that a short joke?
Her: It was supposed to be a skill joke. Now I'm offended.
Bonus sexism: For some reason, I have not yet seen a woman who's any good at foosball. I suppose if one's demographic has to be bad at something, it might as well be something inconsequential like table soccer. Or maybe all the women who work here have better things to do with their time than play games all day.
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #90 on: April 21, 2009, 09:08:07 AM » |
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Overheard in the office this morning:
A: I think an intern is going to be moving in next to you.
B: Is it a girl?
A: Let me check...
A: His name is "Derek"
B: Derek can be a girl's name...
A: Yeah, good luck with that.
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rms
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murlough23
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« Reply #91 on: April 26, 2009, 11:48:57 PM » |
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A conversation I had with someone at a church-related function last night, regarding Mexican food: Me: Just don't order any pork from that Mexican place. Friend: Oh, everyone's all scared about that pig flu nonsense. The only people catching it are the ones having sex with pigs. Me:  (then, after taking a second to recover) Me: Well, I guess that explains why it's a lot harder to catch bird flu. |
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Aaron
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« Reply #92 on: April 27, 2009, 07:37:43 AM » |
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A conversation I had with someone at a church-related function last night, regarding Mexican food: Me: Just don't order any pork from that Mexican place. Friend: Oh, everyone's all scared about that pig flu nonsense. The only people catching it are the ones having sex with pigs. Me: (then, after taking a second to recover) Me: Well, I guess that explains why it's a lot harder to catch bird flu. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?  |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #93 on: April 27, 2009, 08:20:43 AM » |
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So how does your friend think the regular flu gets caught? Honestly, some people deserve to get trichinosis  (I would say "some people deserve to get swine flu", but I don't think the risk of transmission is particularly high even in improperly-cooked meat). |
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rms
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murlough23
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« Reply #94 on: April 27, 2009, 01:42:45 PM » |
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So how does your friend think the regular flu gets caught? Honestly, some people deserve to get trichinosis He was quite obviously being facetious. (I would say "some people deserve to get swine flu", but I don't think the risk of transmission is particularly high even in improperly-cooked meat). People are more likely to get it from other people, as with a normal flu, than from eating pork. |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #95 on: April 27, 2009, 02:15:50 PM » |
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He was quite obviously being facetious.
Maybe obvious to people who know him; I clearly just assumed you had ignorant friends. |
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rms
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murlough23
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« Reply #96 on: April 27, 2009, 02:32:58 PM » |
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Maybe obvious to people who know him; I clearly just assumed you had ignorant friends.
Right. I meant that it was obvious to me. |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #97 on: April 28, 2009, 03:04:43 PM » |
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During a meeting:
Leader: We're not going to judge performance for this milestone. Our goal is completion, not performance.
Me: It's OK, our performance is perfect.
...later...
Leader: We're running into this problem where we don't yield the CPU and then we run out of memory.
Me: How quickly do we run out of memory?
Leader: About 5 seconds.
Me: See, our performance is great. We can hose the system in under 5 seconds!
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #98 on: April 29, 2009, 03:11:03 PM » |
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<Co-worker spends several minutes at my cube talking about the differences between two different editions of a book and trying to decide which one had the information he wanted> Me: Couldn't you just Google it? Him: Yeah, but I don't care that much. Me: You care enough to waste my time, but not enough to waste yours? Him: Yeah, that's about right. Me: Awesome. Awesome to the max. |
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #99 on: April 30, 2009, 04:50:25 PM » |
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<From our internal 4sale list>
====
Free to a good home: ancient SPARCbook & accessories
Own a piece of history! Find something good to say about Sun Microsystems!
I inherited a SPARCbook--a Sun laptop--from, I guess, the 1993 era. It comes with a big manual and a bag full of accessories, including what looks like a SCSI-connected floppy drive. Be the first on your block--and probably the last too--to own such a thing. When Sun thought it could compete with Wintel!
Seriously, if you have any interest in this, it's sitting on the floor, by the door, in my cube in a nice green-and-white canvas tote bag that says "HOTEL DUPONT" on it. Anybody who takes the tote bag has to take the SPARCbook stuff too, though.
====
...and then the followup...
====
Oh, the astonishment! It's gone! Who knew that there was such a DEMAND for SPARCbooks--at the right price. Now if only Sun had sold its hardware for what it sells its software for today.
====
(Sun "sells" OpenSolaris, OpenOffice, ZFS, the Hotspot JVM, the Java Development Kit, and various other software for free)
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Vlad!
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« Reply #100 on: May 05, 2009, 03:36:00 PM » |
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<From the unending bundle of laughs known as our internal 4sale list>
====
So my wife got a freezer as a 10-year service gift from her company. It looked nice in the brochure, but it didn't give us the model number or tell us that it was TWENTY-FIVE CUBIC FEET, which is a bit much for a household of two. So I want to get rid of it and get a smaller one.
You could seriously put two entire cows in this thing. Or an elk. Or 800 Lean Cuisines. Or 187 gallons of vodka. Or 20 bushels of strawberries (since 1 ft^3 = 0.8 US bushels).
====
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Vlad!
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« Reply #101 on: May 19, 2009, 09:29:17 AM » |
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I just overheard this most excellent conversation:
A: How did you spell ham sandwich?
B: What do you mean?
A: Was is 'ham sandwich' or 'ham sandwich'?
B: It was 'ham sandwich'
A: Oh, OK
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If you don’t have freedom as a principle, you can never see a reason not to make an exception. There are constantly going to be times when for one reason or another there’s some practical convenience in making an exception.
rms
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enemy anemone
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« Reply #102 on: May 19, 2009, 02:03:50 PM » |
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maybe it was "hams & witch" or "hams and...which?"
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Vlad!
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« Reply #103 on: May 21, 2009, 09:55:58 AM » |
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Me: So how do you want the data out to be specified?
A: Well, I was thinking about doing it on the command line.
Me: You don't want to use a data file?
A: The data file would be more work for the intern.
Me: And?
A: Yeah, let's go with the data file.
Me: Awesome.
Intern: I'm right here!
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Vlad!
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« Reply #104 on: June 01, 2009, 04:59:14 PM » |
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<In a discussion with a co-worker, A, whose southern drawl is often noticeable despite his best efforts> A: My house is chilly right now because B keeps it ass-cold all the time. Me: Ass-cold? <Prepares to launch into full-on rant mode about expletive infixation> A: I said "ice cold" Me: <sheepish> |
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #105 on: June 03, 2009, 04:20:00 PM » |
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<A Safety and Security officer, A, walks up to the intern, B,'s cube>
A: Your vehicle alarm is going off
B: Yeah, I just saw the e-mail. I'll go turn it off now.
C: Arrest him!
A: We don't really have the authority to do that.
D: Can you just beat him down then?
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murlough23
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« Reply #106 on: June 03, 2009, 04:52:01 PM » |
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<A Safety and Security officer, A, walks up to the intern, B,'s cube>
A: Your vehicle alarm is going off
B: Yeah, I just saw the e-mail. I'll go turn it off now.
C: Arrest him!
A: We don't really have the authority to do that.
D: Can you just beat him down then?
That whole exchange is funny, because near where I live there's a big parking structure for a movie theater, which is immediately adjacent to some houses. There's actually an ordinance posted that says they will fine you for "unnecessary car alarms" or something of that nature. I get the principle - they don't want loud car alarms echoing throughout the structure and waking the whole neighborhood - but I'm not sure how one would enforce this. "Oh, so your car was actually being broken into? Well, that's OK then." |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #107 on: June 09, 2009, 12:27:47 PM » |
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Intern: Did you know that Java was originally developed to run VCRs? Me: I did not know that. Intern: And then it evolved to become the general-purpose computing clusterfuck that it is today. Me: That is quite possibly the best description of Java I have ever heard. (Bonus material: it was more of a universal remote control/set-top box than a VCR, but not bad for an NC State intern. |
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #108 on: June 10, 2009, 12:20:07 PM » |
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Me, to non-vegetarian co-worker "A": You're eating a veggie burger?
A: Yeah.
Me: Traitor!
A: It's not that I like animals so much as that I hate plants.
Me: Fair enough.
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rms
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murlough23
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« Reply #109 on: June 11, 2009, 01:51:32 PM » |
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My pastor, during a frank discussion with a few of the men in the church on some of the moral issues surrounding singles and sexuality, and the guilt felt by those who have made mistakes: "Some guys have been beating themselves over this issue for years."  |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #110 on: June 11, 2009, 04:34:46 PM » |
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<The intern's cube contains some random toys, including a toy phone> Intern: Woah, there's a phone in my cube Intern holds up phone and presses red button. Phone lights upIntern: Oh, shit, it turns on! Intern continues mashing buttons. He presses the green button. The phone starts talking.Intern: I don't think the person on the other end of this phone speaks English. It sounds like Chinese. Intern hands the phone to me. I press the green buttonMe: Dude, that's you. It clearly just said "Oh, shit, it turns on!" I hand the phone back to the intern, who presses the green buttonIntern: You're right. Me: Haha, you just said that you don't speak English. Intern: Apparently I speak Chinese. Obviously, the toy phone records when you press the red button and plays back when you press the green button. These NC State interns are a little slow, but man they're hilarious sometimes  |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #111 on: June 16, 2009, 04:07:28 PM » |
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<My cube also contains some random toys, including a little "army man"-style native american, which sits on the waist-high divider between my cube and the intern's cube>
The toy falls into the intern's cube
Intern: Ha, he's a prisoner of war now.
...Later...
I walk into the intern's cube and swipe my army man back
Me: He's all wet!
Intern: Yeah, I waterboarded him to get your state secrets.
Me: That's cruel and unusual punishment.
A: Well, it's cruel, but unfortunately it's not all that unusual here in the US.
Me: True.
Intern: He's got shell shock now.
Me: It's good to go. Thanks to Stockholm Syndrome he loves you now.
Intern: Muahaha.
Topical!
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #112 on: June 19, 2009, 02:27:30 PM » |
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From a blog post:
===
As absolutely moronic as that would be, it is the government after all. If they didn't do stupid things, 60 Minutes would only be a 20 minute show.
===
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #113 on: June 23, 2009, 03:16:15 PM » |
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<From an IM conversation; names removed>
Nathan@work: I think br encourages writing crappy makefiles.
J: yea, I believe A fixed ours up some
Nathan@work: Apparently your makefile gets touched by a lot of people.
Nathan@work: I was going to make a your mom comment in there, but it was too easy (like your mom).
J: hah
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murlough23
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« Reply #114 on: June 23, 2009, 03:21:16 PM » |
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Displayed on the side of a beachfront tavern this past weekend:
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
NEXT TIME WEAR A CONDOM
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Vlad!
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« Reply #115 on: June 23, 2009, 04:03:23 PM » |
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Vlad!
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« Reply #116 on: June 23, 2009, 04:41:40 PM » |
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Apparently today is a "your mom" joke day. This one backfired:
A: Making a wiki page is easy.
B: Like yo' mama.
A: Of course; how do you think I got here?
B: ...that got uncomfortable quickly.
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rms
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Vlad!
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« Reply #117 on: June 25, 2009, 02:07:16 PM » |
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<More chat funnies. Background note: we can set our own job titles (doesn't affect pay any)--the default title is "member of technical staff", but my friend A changed his to "member of technical awesome"> Nathan@work: BTW, B sent out an e-mail saying "member of technical awesome wants to become C's neighbor". A: haha, awesome. Nathan@work: C was like "who the hell is that?" Nathan@work: "He must be messed up if he wants to sit next to me". A: I'm going to update it to Technical Burrito Lead Nathan@work: Go all the way. "Senior Technical Burrito Director". Nathan@work: "Chief Burrito Officer" Nathan@work: "President, Chief Burrito Officer, and Director of Inter-gender Relationships" A: haha, oh that is amazing. Nathan@work: You totally have to set that as your title now A: I'm gonna have to leave it at Chief Burrito Officer A: Inter-gender relationships sounds like I'm the director of having sex with coworkers Nathan@work: Awkwaaaaaaaard |
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« Reply #118 on: July 05, 2009, 08:17:04 PM » |
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<I inform my friends of my July 4th plans. We eat dinner, then are preparing to leave>
A: Wait, you're driving to Tennessee in the van?
Me: Well, I don't own any other vehicles. Why?
A: Well, it just...doesn't seem like an inter-state capable vehicle is all.
Me: It hasn't caught on fire yet!
B: If that's the best thing you can say about it, I'm a even more worried than I was before.
A: Don't die!
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Vlad!
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« Reply #119 on: July 06, 2009, 06:40:52 PM » |
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A: Nathan, you read xkcd, right Me: Yeah... A: Can you explain today's comic to me? Me: Let me load it up... Me: Well...he plays games on a five-year lag, and the line in the last panel is from a game that was popular like a year ago A: So that stuff in the last panel... Me: Yeah, it's an internet meme that has recently undergone the transition from "amusing" to "no longer amusing". Here, just read the urbandictionary pageA: It's huge, isn't it? Me: Hm? A: The rock I live under. Me: Yes, yes it is. |
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