The Phorum
September 24, 2017, 08:32:36 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register PhAQ  
Pages: [1]
 
Author Topic: Foster care  (Read 1087 times)
murlough23
Phorum Phenomenon
************
Posts: 15722


I'm different.


View Profile WWW
« on: March 21, 2017, 10:13:36 PM »

I've probably mentioned this to some of you, either in other topics here on The Phorum or on Facebook, but my wife and I underwent a rather long process of getting certified to be Foster parents over the past two years. We finally got our certification a few weeks ago. This morning we got an Email from the agency saying they had a six-month old baby girl who had been removed from an abusive situation and could come to live with us if we wanted her. My critical decision-making skills aren't the greatest at 8 in the morning, but we said yes, and she showed up a few hours later. So, at least for the time being, we have a Foster daughter. I have a lot of mixed feelings, since I knew no amount of preparation would ever make me feel 100% ready for this, but as soon as I saw that child, I knew I was going to form a strong attachment to her. She's just adorable.

The reality of the situation is that this little girl has two older brothers who are also in the Foster care system, and the county's trying to find a permanent placement for them as we speak. They prefer to keep siblings together, and we don't have the space or the resources for three. So it's quite likely that this little girl will only be with us temporarily. She'll be good practice, but I know I'm going to hate to see her go. We're trying to look at this as stewardship/ministry and not necessarily ownership of the child, since we're kind of at the whims of the county court system here. But we would like to eventually bring home a Foster child who we can adopt and raise to adulthood.

I guess just pray for us that we'll be both physically and emotionally prepared for the roller coaster ahead of us. It won't be easy. But knowing we're giving a good home to a child who needs it, even if it's just for a few days or weeks, makes us feel like we're doing something that we were meant to do. We've been married 11 years. My wife's been wanting this for a long time. I have too... I'm just more patient than she is. But now I can see how much she's in her element with that child, so I want us to continue to have this meaningful experience for as long as we can.
Logged
Vlad!
Mighty Armored Assault Duck
Administrator
Phorum Phenomenon
***********
Posts: 12389


I'm on a duck!


View Profile WWW
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2017, 05:10:39 PM »

Sounds like a really cool (and really big!) step for you two! Best of luck!
Logged

Humans...have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.... We are vulnerable, but we don’t want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay.
-Ed Hickling
bloop
Phorum Phenomenon
************
Posts: 8294



View Profile
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2017, 06:32:17 PM »

I know you'll make a great foster father. Best of luck!
Logged

Follow me on Grooveshark or Spotify. username: iceybloop
murlough23
Phorum Phenomenon
************
Posts: 15722


I'm different.


View Profile WWW
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2017, 09:10:10 PM »

Thanks, guys. It's been a remarkably easygoing week thus far. She's a pretty happy baby. It's good to have the time to adjust. We have a visit from our Foster care agency's social worker tomorrow; we will probably know more in terms of a long-term prognosis for keeping her after that point.
Logged
Aaron
Phorum Phenomenon
************
Posts: 5373


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2017, 02:11:38 AM »

Congrats and blessings to you, good sir.
Logged

Hi whim!
T-Bone
Phorum Phriend
****
Posts: 401


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2017, 05:42:33 PM »

Hey I saw a reference to this in one of your reviews but hadn't gotten a chance to reply on here.  Congrats!  I hope and pray it all goes well for you.   
Logged
murlough23
Phorum Phenomenon
************
Posts: 15722


I'm different.


View Profile WWW
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2017, 01:23:26 AM »

I figured I should let you guys know that we had to say goodbye to our baby girl yesterday. As I suspected might happen, a family was found that was willing to take her in along with her two older brothers. It was sooner than I thought, and our last night with her on Thursday was very sad knowing we'd have to take her on a one-way trip the following day. But we met the family that had her before we did (also a foster family - birth parents are out of the picture at this point) and realized what kind, compassionate people they are, and how much grief they felt over having her and the two boys removed from their home a few weeks prior, which I can tell now was most likely a mistake. What will probably happen at this point is that the new family will be with these kids for a few weeks (and hopefully they're a family that signed up to do this short-term instead of hoping to adopt like we were), and then all three will go back to their original foster family. And I actually feel a lot of peace about that after having met them. So while this has been hard for us, I think it's for the best.

We're taking a break for a few weeks before opening ourselves up for kid #2. We told them no kids with siblings in the system this time. We'll see what happens.
Logged
murlough23
Phorum Phenomenon
************
Posts: 15722


I'm different.


View Profile WWW
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2017, 08:22:25 PM »

Wow, guys. I've had an exciting last few months and I completely failed to let you know about it. (At least, for those I don't interact with on social media, I guess.)

We got another baby girl - an 11-month old - at the end of May, and over three months later, she's still with us. This one came with a few challenges that the 6-month-old didn't pose, since she was already crawling (meaning she immediately got into EVERYTHING), and had an acute fear of strangers when she was first living with us. This meant that even though she latched onto my wife pretty quickly, she'd scream bloody murder whenever I came into the room. Getting her used to being around me, and around other friends and family who would visit, was an uphill battle. But now she actively seeks me out when she wants to play or have (usually the first page of) a book read to her, and my wife tells me she goes looking for "da-da" a lot when I'm away at work. Awww. I'm finally learning how to be an actual dad, instead of some impostor weird uncle.

She came to us from a bit of a troubled background - her birth mother is incarcerated, her dad is completely out of the picture, and she was living with grandparents who weren't taking very good care of her for the first 11 months of her life until she was removed and came to us. Thankfully we've seen no signs of development issues, drug-related or otherwise - she started walking at almost exactly the 1-year-mark, she's been going to physical therapy mandated by her social worker and really impressing the therapist every time, and by all accounts, she's an incredibly curious and brave kid who wants to be everyone's friend and show off all the cool things she's learning. A real go-getter, as my Mom puts it.

At this point there's no family with a realistic chance of taking her away from us, and her half-siblings are on track to be reunified with their birth father (who is no relation to our Foster daughter), so it's looking like the only obstacle between us and adoption is simply the due process of giving the mother a fair amount of time/opportunity to get her life back on track, which is pretty unlikely considering she'd have to get out of jail and probably go through rehab first. I get nervous whenever there's a court case coming up - we don't have to be present for those, but stuff gets recommended by our social worker and decided on by a judge and we don't really have a say in it. It's pretty clear the social worker's on our side and wants to terminate the rights of the birth parents so that we'll be free to adopt. It's just a long process. It already feels like she's our kid and always has been - at this point I'm so settled into the routine that I think our lives were kinda boring without her. So my only prayer request is, I guess, for the legal process to run smoothly without any extended family members suddenly coming out of the woodwork or other unexpected red tape. We probably won't be able to make it official until next year, but our hopes are pretty high at this point.
Logged
Vlad!
Mighty Armored Assault Duck
Administrator
Phorum Phenomenon
***********
Posts: 12389


I'm on a duck!


View Profile WWW
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2017, 04:48:01 AM »

Wow, sounds like it's definitely been a pretty wild ride! Best of luck with the kiddo and the legal process.
Logged

Humans...have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.... We are vulnerable, but we don’t want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay.
-Ed Hickling
Pages: [1]
 
 
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006, Simple Machines